Tag Archive for john kasich

Media Mutters: To Err Is Human, To Only Err Is Republican

Ohio Governor John Kasich did a great job on Meet The Press last Sunday, but the host, Chuck Todd, not so much. He pulled a CNN. Don’t let someone come onto your show, sir, and suggest that liberals are the ones who need to soul search. We are the soul people, at least comparatively. If this is a war of ideas then building a 2K long wall is not an idea so much as a future construction-industry scandal. Republicans have elected two of the most incompetent presidents in our nation’s history—in the last five minutes. Don’t let them off the hook, ever! Granted, Kasich said a few sane things during his Sunday morning appearance, like let’s fix Obamacare not gut it, but how many republicans resonate with sensible? Kasich hung on until the end of the primaries, because he wagered his party would eventually break from stupid and crazy. I would never have taken that bet, in fact, it’s why I blog. From a political standpoint libs admittedly have bupkis to show for their recent efforts, but from an ideological, intelligentsia, and consciousness standpoint, the GOP can kindly go Bannon itself. Yes, at the risk of increased international sanctions The Daily Discord has successfully weaponized the Mooch’s recent auto-fellatio comments. Screwphemism? Satiric Missiles? Fine, I’ll work on that one.

Not Over? Kasich Determined To Take Final Concession Speech All The Way To The Convention

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Columbus, OH—The Governor of Ohio, John Kasich, still plans to suspend his campaign, but he promises to deliver a second and final concession speech that “will last all the way until the convention in July.” Senator Kasich told the press today, “This isn’t officially over until I say it is. And my plan is to take a long, long time to say that.”

Critics were quick to condemn the maneuver as a political stunt, but Kasich was quick to respond, “The convention is being held in Ohio and I am from Ohio. I don’t think that’s a coincidence. I could be there, in like, an hour easy. Look, I prayed to Ted Cruz’s God and I am convinced there is some kind of divine intervention convention thingie occurring here #NeverTrump.”

God Sends Massive Storm to Ohio after Governor’s Decision to Run For President

weatherColumbus, OH—Shortly after Ohio Governor John Kasich announced his candidacy, God summoned a low pressure system designed to punish him. God is basing his wrath on the two-term Governor’s decision to expand Medicaid and other shortsighted budgetary measures. The state capital, Columbus, was at the center of God’s wrath this weekend and the almighty is warning, “There’s more where that came from!”

The Supreme Being told reporters, “Thou shalt not spend. Remember that one! Yeah, well it should have been in there but Moses could only carry two tablets. They were made of stone, you know. Bottom line, this is exactly what the people of Sodom and Hussein did before I laid waste to that entire shithole of a town.”

The reporter who tried to correct God was immediately struck by lightning—an incident God is calling “an unfortunate coincidence.”