South Houston, TX—All of the latest federal relief funds designed to get Houston back on its feet arrived in check form to the RV park address of one Harvey Ford of South Houston. The Trump Administration is downplaying the mistake and delegated blame to an under-under-secretary, currently under some Congressman. Upon receiving the check, Mr. Ford said, “After the storm I was just happy my rig wasn’t flooded, but now, with $15-billion in my savings account, I may purchase the remains of downtown Houston. Actually it’s more than $15 billion, because I already had over a thousand in there.”
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Gulf Region Issues Restraining Order Against Hurricane Harvey
by Mick Zano •
Cameron, LA—Hurricane Harvey is back in the news today and stirring up trouble along the Gulf Coast of the United States. The state of Louisiana is attempting to reassure its residence the storm will be court-ordered to stay at least a 1,000 feet away from land. When asked about the return of the tropical depression, Cameron resident Pam Hearse said, “I don’t care if he is depressed, this is no way to act. Oh, and I hate it when a guy cries during a breakup. But this guy, holy shit?! We’re going to need an ark and two of every swamp critter.”