Tweet Tower—On day one President-elect Donald Trump plans to close the controversial Arkham Sanitarium and tear down the Batshit signal once and for all. Many are now questioning The Donald’s motives as these items were not among his many campaign promises. The closing of Arkham is being met with bipartisan criticism as the facility contains some of the most psychiatrically unstable individuals in the country. Mr. Trump is denying allegations the asylum is empty now because many of the residents have already been chosen for a wide array of important cabinet positions. Donald Trump argued, “That’s just a coincidence. Sure I picked some talent from that side of the tracks and, spoiler alert, my Secretary of State is currently in isolation in their forensic unit. This guy is the best diplomat. The best. Other country’s will fall into line, otherwise he does this cool little candygram thing with the ambassador’s corpse.”

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