Salt Lake City, UT—Since the Boy Scouts of America’s decision to allow openly gay children into their fold, the Mormon Church threatened to outright sever relations. After lengthy negotiations rivaling the State Department’s Iran deal, the two organizations have reached an agreement. Mormons are allowed to enrich uranium for peaceful purposes, provided they allow the international community to inspect their magic underwear. Wait, what?
Tag Archive for funny
On Day One Trump To Personally Address “Anchor Baby” Problem
by Mr. Sherman •
For The GOP Hindsight Is 20/400
by Mick Zano •
Jindal Goes Rogue: I’m Your Worst Nightmare! Uh, Besides Trump
by Mick Zano •
Batshit Rouge, LA—Governor of Louisiana, Bobby Jindal, is still not happy about missing the not-ready-for-prime-time republican debacle—er, debate. Fox News chose only the top ten contenders for this event, via their own questionable polling system. This left “Bobby” Jindal an outcast, wandering the country aimlessly.
At a press conference today Jindal held up a Spinal Tap T-shirt that read Our Debaters Should Go To Eleven. “I am going to war with the RNC!” said Jindal. “I will attack them with this large knife, with the back edge all serrated like. What do they call those? Anyway, you think Trump is terrorizing this circus, wait until they get a load of me.” He then started manically laughing and yelling, “Bring me The Batman. Bring me The Donald, hah, hah, hah!”
Proud Of Your Record GOP? Ask Your Doctor If Bullshitzia Is Right For You
by Mick Zano •
This Week’s Dumb Text Of The Week Goes To…
by Mick Zano •
Trump Gets Five Point Bump After Pushing Baby Stroller Down Stairwell
by Mick Zano •
Washington, DC—Donald Trump is getting a bump in the polls today after he shoved a baby carriage down a stairwell. The incident left one woman angry and one toddler in cynical condition. Shortly after his presidential debate, Trump, allegedly told a woman she looked like something from a horror movie and then pushed her stroller over a precipice. According to witnesses, The Donald yelled, “Remember the Untouchables?! This is like a reenactment. Get it, you skank?!”
Trump remains unapologetic about the incident and is not backing down from his comments. “I meant what I said. I loved the movie The Untouchables and that woman was kind of a skank. It’s not sexists if it’s true.”
Decision 2016: GOP Unite Form Of Clown Car
by Mr. Sherman •
The first Republican debates will be held later today in Cleveland. Yes, you heard right, home of the Drew Carey Show and the Cleveland Browndians. Sorry I don’t follow sports, especially in Ohio. The debate will be hosted by Fox News and only the top ten polling candidates are invited to play. I plan to break each winner into a separate feature, but first let’s look at all of these folks and the rhetoric that makes them great…for a comedy site. Some fear that no meaningful discourse can result from having ten people on a debate stage, which is a ridiculous view. It’s a republican debate, people! …when has there ever been any meaningful discourse?
The Reasons Rick Perry Is Not In The Debates Tonight: One Kasich, Two Trump And Three…Uh, Oops
by Mr. Sherman •
The Cocky Horror Picture Show
by Mick Zano •
Grafting together a hodgepodge of red tissue and dead issues, the rightwing media has spent the better part of the 21st century galvanizing an angry zombie army of the politically clueless. This faction has a new leader, but the monster of their own creation has officially lurched off the table, broken down the castle door, and is apparently golfing in Scotland. People of Scotland: please monitor all little girls sitting near ponds or wells. At the moment, there’s only one person who controls the republican bubble and it’s alive…It’s ALIVE!!!!!