Tag Archive for political humor

We The Discord, In Order To Form A More Perfect Onion

constitutionzanonMLI’m not changing the Constitution, Pokey! I just added the beer mugs. The Founding Fathers would eat that shit up, or in this case drink. Thursday’s Dem debate showed two conscientious people who understand the intricacies of today’s problems. They offered real strategies, solutions, specifics and even the historical context behind each issue. Republicans, meanwhile, sound like no one studied for the middle school debate final. I think if you asked them to define Glass-Steagall, they’d say, “Isn’t that the department store across from Macy’s?” They have a few prepared talking points—rehearsed in front of a mirror with an air guitar, no doubt—and then they insert these gems randomly into the discourse. It’s like listening to someone with Tourette’s contract encephalitis during a brain fart.

“Sure some things are ideologically driven on the left, but EVERYTHING is ideologically driven on the right, and when I say driven, I’m talking Captain Ahab with roid rage. And what is the result? The Republican candidates’ domestic policies are incomprehensible and their foreign policies are unconscionable.”

This is a response to the article: It’s The Constitution, Zano, Not Your Articles Of Degeneration.

It’s The Constitution, Zano, Not Your Articles Of Degeneration

pokeyMLYou have nerve ridiculing the Republican primary process, Zano. You want to sound like you’re backing Bernie Sanders until he might actually win and then you start back peddling faster than Lance Armstrong in a sharknado. “But I danno if Sanders is electable in the general election.” Boo hoo. This is code for Closeted Hillary Supporter (CHS). Last year, I thought the election would come down to a stale contest between ‘Clinton v Bush.’ The Republicans have at least rejected a return to the past, yet Hillary Clinton remains the Dem darling. How is that progressive? Speaking of Progressive, my  dream ticket is Flo and that guy from those Sonic commercials. Now they could really bring back America…with Freedom fries.

Presidential Field So Chaotic Dr. Evil Considering Independent Run

drevilprezMLSecret Moon Base—After much consideration, the notorious Dr. Evil is considering a run for the highest office in the land. He is mainly joining the race because he believes the current frontrunners are all “A-holes”. Price is apparently no object for the super villain as he told the press today he is prepared to spend “gazillions” of dollars on his presidential aspirations. Dr. Evil said, “I will fund my own campaign, because you don’t want to see an evil genius tied to a lobbyists. It’s not fricken’ pretty.” He then personally thanked the “little people” for passing Citizens United and added, “Who do I make the check out to?”

How Many Republicans Does It Take To Change A Lightbulb? None, They Don’t Believe In Change

admin-ajaxI’m furious with the mainstream media, but probably not for the same reasons you are. How dare they let republicans rewrite history? How do you let these blatant falsehoods go unchallenged on your “news” shows? Even our debate moderators seem asleep at the switch. During the last undercard round, Carly Fiorina implied Obama “fired all the good generals, like David Petraeus.” Everyone who follows politics knows why General Petraeus left the military. Everyone. I’ll give you a hint, it rhymes with Lewinski.