Tag Archive for liberal politics

Putin Ekes Out Reelection Victory With Mere 137% Of Vote

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Moscow—Vladimir Putin has thwarted defeat yet again in the 2018 Russian presidential race. In the end he received 137% of the votes, making this election his third best showing of all time. Election day polls suggested the incumbent was slipping to 115% of the vote and some polls even showed Putin with an anemic 102% approval rating. Many blame this electoral ebb on his decision to poison a father & daughter in the UK, “So close to election day.” In a gracious acceptance speech that occurred to the backdrop of the execution of his political rivals, Putin promised to vanquish Russia’s enemies and poison its frenemies. Despite the well received message many Russian citizens are still questioning his choice of campaign slogan: Nerve Agents Take Noive!

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Fascism Creep And More Carrion For The Wolves Of Wall Street

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This week’s fascism watch is rather extreme, even by normal Republican ‘standards’. Eighteen states, primarily of the Freedom Circus variety, are pushing a bill that undermines peaceful assembly. Yep, you heard rights, folks …as they vanish. If anything turns ugly during a protest, the organizers—not the Nazi, hooligan Trump-lovin’ instigators—but the organizers are more likely to face steeper fines and charges. And running over protestors is now encouraged, well, as long as they’re libs. Safe Space 2000? Sheriff Joe for President: ‘Carcerations R’ In! If this schitznik passes, our torch wielding, white supremacist friends can crash our parties with more free wheeling, wanton abandon. Gee, why are they trying to tamp down peaceful protests during the Age of Ass-Clown? Hmmm. Reminds me of that old SNL bit: Bad Idea Jeans. Fox & Friends have managed to avoid covering the deconstruction of our republic through the act of asking endless irrelevant questions about unrelated topics. Let’s award some partial credit as they’re helping to create an oligarchy without even knowing what the word means. Multi-asking? So where are their constitutionalists now? Silence of the Lames?

*SpongeBob Square-State joke removed by the editor.

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And The Academy Award For Best Picture… Groundhog Day!

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Hollywood, CA—In a decision to help put Hollywood out of its misery, Faye Dunaway and Warren Betty are back on the stage for the 2018 Oscars …or maybe the Emmys, who knows? Whatever’s on the card. Only an estimated 17 people of the original 3,000+ will be in attendance on March 4th for the 90th annual Academy Awards, as the remainder have seen their #MeToo shadow and scurried back to their burrows for six more weeks of Twitter.

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My Last Feature On The Futility Of Arguing With A Republican Sparked A Dynamic Debate *Sigh*

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Of course my recent post Study Finds Debating Table Lamp More Engaging Than Average Republican triggered a spirited debate. Ahhh, irony, it’s what’s for Discord. It was a much better debate than the lead up to the presidential election. Not that that’s saying much. My friend and blogvesary, Pokey McDooris, is all up in arms about this “salacious and unverified” dossier as it relates to the Russia probe, but what if it’s accurate? Is it really such a stretch that Mr. “Grab ’em by the pussy” could be salacious in private? Any port in a Stormy? And, if it remains unverified, don’t we just need a urine sample?

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This Day In Future History: President Rubio Pressured Into Exhuming Hillary’s Body For 29th Benghazi Hearing

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Washington—President Marco Rubio has flip-flopped on his decision to allow the Senate Intelligence Committee to pursue yet another Benghazi hearing. The president told the press today, “With new evidence tweeted to me from Donald Trump Jr. *cough* from prison, there are still a number of unanswered questions about the Benghazi embassy attack.” After some initial reservations, the president is now ordering the exhumation of former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton from her current resting place at Memory Gardens Cemetery in Arkansas. Clinton’s final wish was to be buried right alongside Vince Foster, a friend and colleague who died under mysterious circumstances, so “they could save time by only having to dig one hole for their next bullshit investigation.”

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After SpaceX Car Stunt, Elon Musk Found Hitchhiking On Santa Monica Freeway

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Santa Monica, CA—Billionaire and SpaceX owner, Elon Musk, is blaming an employee for a glitch that sent his ride into space on Wednesday. After the Falcon Heavy blasted off with his car, Mr. Musk found himself with no ride from the launch pad back to his mansion in Bel Air. One onlooker was hesitant to pick up the mogul, because, “He looked a little too yuppie, and out of place with his obviously Photoshopped cardboard sign.”

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Trump Stands By Decision To Gut Rail Safety Budget: “Who Takes The Fucking Train?”

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Tweet Tower—In the wake of three deadly Amtrak crashes in the last fifty days, President Trump is standing by his decision to gut the U.S. Department of Transportation’s budget by 13%. The president said, “I don’t own a train and I don’t take the train. Who the hell still takes an F-ing train? …well, besides Republican congressmen, I guess. But hey, that $2.4 billion I saved went directly to folks in my tax bracket. It’s win-win, because my rich friends never board those death traps. And why don’t they have McDonald’s on those things? Sad.”

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