Tag Archive for comedy

Apology XVX: I Am Going To Fix This Or My Pseudonym Isn’t Pierce Winslow

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pierceWinslowRecently The Discord has fallen below its usual high level of journalistic excellence. As CEO I have identified the problem as the general weed availability in the Flagstaff area. Too much or too little has yet to be determined. In our recent Putin Syria coverage, we implied the Russian fighter was the adversary from Rocky II when actually he was from Rocky IV. On a similar note, I don’t know what XVX even means numerically. We have had so many apologies over the years I can no long count that high in roman numerals. I believe Rocky XVX fought Cthulhu, right? I would fire Zano, but in the past this has only proven to further Miltonize him. On a related note, I want my stapler back.

In retrospect, I should have sent Alex Bone to the Vikings Lives Matter rally instead of Cokie McGrath…

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God Pulls Plug On Cruz Candidacy

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Heaven—God is reportedly “furious” with Senator Ted Cruz’s recent political antics. As Cruz delivered a speech on the virtues of clean Tar Sands earlier today, God disrupted the proceedings with a blinding flash of Photoshopped light. God then commanded: “Thou shalt retire from politics indefinitely!” The almighty later told reporters he was not impressed with the Texas Senator’s recent debate performance or his fantasy football picks. God then sent an official Notice of Tablet to Cruz Headquarters, certified mail, within the required time frames.

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Putin Explains Involvement in Syria: “I’m Just Getting In Some Target Practice”

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palmyra2Damascus, SY—The global community is questioning the motives and the implications of Russia’s increased military involvement in Syria. Russia and Syria have always had strong ties but now Russian President Vladimir Putin is building a military base in the heart of Damascus. When asked if there is more to Putin’s strategy than simply combating ISIS, Putin shrugged, “I have so few political adversaries left I haven’t kill—uh, beaten at the polls—that I’ve decided on a little Hunger Games, Moscow-style.”

After answering several questions Putin mounted his dragon stead, Ivan, and is headed to Syria for victims. When asked about the name Ivan, Putin said, “I have named him Ivan Drago. He was the boxer from Rocky II also known as Death From Above. Remember that? In the Russian version of this movie he knocks Rocky Balboa’s head clean off the top of his spine. It’s epic and a more accurate outcome.”

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