Tag Archive for satire
ISIS Claims Responsibility For Alternate Street Parking
by Mick Zano •
Syria—The leader of ISIS, who wished to remain locationless, is claiming responsibility for what many in urban areas are calling “a major pain in the ass.” Alternate Street Parking remains a huge inconvenience for urban drivers, who risk fines or towing if they mistakenly park their car on the wrong side of the street overnight. Whereas Jihadists groups are claiming responsibility for this urban-fine-accruing-tactic (UFAT), many radicals groups are falling short of supporting downtown two-hour parking mandates and other meter-maid activities. “We may be jihadists, but we’re not complete assholes,” said local radical, Jihadi Jackson.
An Open Letter to Senator Pat Toomey: The Constitution… You’re Doing It Wrong
by Pierce Winslow •
Dear Mr. Toomey:
Can I call you Pat? Hey Pat, please stop that ad campaign during which you attempt to justify and seek approval for your abandonment of the U. S. Constitution. I’m tired of you telling me how it’s my choice as to who fills in the vacant Supreme Court seat. Personally, I would pick Brian Griffin from Family Guy. That’s why it’s not my, nor the American peoples’ choice. It is the choice of the guy the majority of the country duly elected to the Oval Office (twice). It is the sole decision of the Presidents Of The United States of America. I’m talking about Obama, not that band from the 90s. Millions of ImPeaches?
Russia Decides To Pull Out Rather Than Risk Getting Syria Pregnant
by Mick Zano •
Discord Responds To Bill Maher’s Assertion: Better Ted Than Dead
by Mick Zano •
I Just Ate An Entire Can of Hormel Chili: Should I Call 911 Or Poison Control?
by Mick Zano •
Voter Suppression 101: Arizona Anecdotal? My Ass
by Mick Zano •
Yes, The Discord guy didn’t get to vote in the AZ Primaries. Voting was a shit show in my state last week, even by normal Arizona “standards”. Here was the excuse:
When you changed your address, maybe you failed to fill out the voter demographic part properly.
Uh, I haven’t moved, unless you’re talking about moving from the sofa to the fridge, which is still bullshit because I have people for that. I registered as a Dem in 2008 to vote for Obama, so those claiming user-error are mistaken. They always pull this crap. This is the GOP’s Modus Operandi, who I refuse to denigrate in this post. For our Republican friends, “Modus Operandi” means “standard operating procedure.” Republicans are Constitutionalists in the same way that ISIS is a team of archeologists. Rapers of the Lost Ark? Raiders of the Lost AARP? No, seriously, this is a question… I’m trying to slam both ISIS and Republicans in the same joke. ISIS Shrugged? There you go, Zano. I knew you could do it. Let the suppression begin!
Pending Trump Nomination Spurs Bipartisan Effort To Contact Alien Life
by Mick Zano •
In Related News:
The folks over at SETI are transmitting a massive farting sound into deep space.
Liberal Calls For The Creation of Wild-Vote Preserves To Protect Last Conservatives
by Mick Zano •
Burlington, VT—Despite their inherent voter suppression, gerrymandering, and white privilege, one liberal is defending the actions of conservatives. Sandra Smith of Burlington is insisting we protect the ideologically-impaired among us. “Although they still wield considerable power,” said Ms. Smith, “the long term prospects for the Grand Old Party is dim. As their habitat dwindles, they will likely become even more desperate. We can not allow them to radicalize. They are already relegated to our shittiest states and our shittiest cities, where they will likely continue to frack things up.” Ms. Smith fears citizens only capable of regurgitating Fox News talking points will grow increasingly isolated and disenfranchised. Despite their confusion and questionable tactics, Smith believes the reality-impaired among us should not be discriminated against for their bigotry, religiosity, or anti-intellectual orientation.
