In related news:
Trump denies spelling internment wrong on Twitter. Merriam Webster issues a formal apology to Emperor Trump.
Tag Archive for political satire
Drunk Teenager Falls Into Seal Den: 17 Cuddly Seals Gunned Down By Zoo-Keeper Extremists
by Mick Zano •
Cleveland, OH—High school sophomore, Josh Milgram, drank three Mad Dog 20/20s during a class field trip and decided he wanted to walk along the railing at the Cleveland Zoo’s seal enclosure. Within a few yards he fell face-first onto some rocks, directly amongst a family of ravenous seals. Mr. Milgram brandished his corn dog and began making what witnesses claim was a poor attempt at a light-saber sound effect. As the youngster started swinging his corn-dog saber the seals became restless and started barking their protests. This is when zoo officials acted and the seals were all gunned down in a hail of bullets.
I Don’t Think Republicans Could See A Train Coming If Snidely Whiplash Tied Them To The Tracks In Front Of One
by Mick Zano •
Here’s Pokey’s last article, dissected into tiny segments of wrongness for your enjoyment. And, yes, it will be humorous or my name isn’t Mick Zano …and it isn’t. When conservatives accidentally stumble upon the truth they always seem to claim ownership—not like scholars and gentlemen, more like cats. We can link back to who said what first, Pokey! Didn’t we have you neutered? Try utilizing the search button at the top of the website. Uh oh… I just thought of that scene from the end of Planet of the Apes:
Dr. Zira: What will he find out there, doctor?
Dr. Zaius: His destiny… (shudder).
False Equivalency Or True Hypocrisy? Mick Zano, The Hipocritic Oaf
by Pokey McDooris •
Extremist Group Al-Gator Claims Responsibility For Disney Attack
by Mick Zano •
Hundreds Of Republican Superdelegates Beach Themselves Ahead Of RNC Convention
by Mick Zano •
Baja, MX—For reasons yet to be determined a massive school of Republican superdelegates beached themselves along the Baja coast earlier today. Some theorize the burden of backing Donald Trump at the Republican National Convention was simply too much for many to bear. Today’s events throw doubt as to the relative health and competence of the Grand Old Party and it raises existential questions, such as: if you tack too far right will you eventually come to water? Theories about the deaths range from a Trump suicide pact to a synchronized swimming event gone horribly wrong.
Confused Extremist Group Makes Death Threats in Wake Of Louisville’s Draw Muhammad Ali Day
by Mick Zano •
Sanders Hires Therapist To Treat Worsening Campaign Addiction
by Mick Zano •
The Sanders Campaign realizes they’re mathematically toast, but Bernie is insisting his zombie campaign continues to stagger aimlessly around the country in search of more young brains. Sanders told reporters today, “Remember those walkers from the Walking Dead? This is nothing like that. It’s a terrible analogy.” Some of Bernie’s closest advisors are admitting he really enjoys getting 27 dollars from people all over the country, so he can travel around with his wife on what he is calling a “second rallymoon”. Senator Sanders told the Discord today, “What I think we need to do is this: I will end the campaign today, if the American people promise to keep sending me more money anyway. That is a good compromise. Unlimited continued funding would be a future I can believe in.”
Trump Negotiates “Better Trade Deal” With Agrabah
by Mick Zano •
Agrabah—In a move that some are calling premature, Donald Trump is already Tweeting other world leaders in an effort to make America Tweet Again. Mr. Trump told the press today, “Lately I have been Tweeting a lot in the middle of the night, but not all of it is just Rosie O’Donnell and Hillary Clinton jokes. It’s not. Sure that’s most of it, but I am also negotiating big deals, right now, with some major players across the Twitterverse.” #BigAgrabahOilDeal
The True Disparity In Our False Equivalency
by Mick Zano •
A prime example of a false equivalency appeared in my last article, which made me realize I haven’t done justice to this subject, or any other subject for that matter. False equivalencies are a prevalent tactic for the GOP. It’s the cognitive distortion of choice for a group who keeps trying to make the argument that they still have an argument. Today’s obvious example is Trump V Hillary. “Say what you want about Trump, but that Hillary is just as bad!” On what fucking planet? Benghazi Colony IV? They really believe they’re equally incompetent/evil. In reality one would preside over a third Obama-like recovery and the other would bomb Canada. Get to the escape pods! The Benghazi Colonies are under attack from the Decepto-neocons!