Tag Archive for satire
4 Out Of 5 Bald Eagles Plan To Relocate To Canada Under A Trump Administration
by Mick Zano •
Trump Now Calling His ‘Obama Founder of ISIS’ Comment ‘A Pun’
by Mick Zano •
Youngstown, OH—During a key foreign policy speech this week, presumptive republican nominee Donald Trump referred to the sitting president as the “founder of ISIS”. Initially Mr. Trump defended his statement as did many prominent republicans familiar with the delusional arts. The Donald then changed tact by downgrading his remarks to a form of sarcasm. When it was explained how sarcasm implies wit or irony and that his statement was neither, Mr. Trump replied, “I meant a pun. It’s a Yuuge pun! Or what’s it called when a word is spelled the same way backward?” Mr. Trump was then explained that the palindrome for ISIS is SISI, which is not particular funny and somewhat plagiaristic.
Trump Has Transformed Politics, But Into What?
by Dr. Kwela Juluka •
Contrary to considerable negative public opinion, I must assert that Donald J. Trump is perhaps the best thing to happen to America in its entire history. His peculiar qualifications, non-conventional psychological constitution, and remarkable absence of self-control make him a distinctly influential political player. He has single-handedly ripped the shrouds of ambiguity and obfuscation off the face of the Republican Party, revealing in stark clarity the fundamental beliefs of his party.
“Donald is to politics what the Corvair was to automobiles, what lead was to house paint, what unsealed Tylenol was to the pharmaceutical bottle industry.”
Beach Closed After Sharks Found Feeding Off Carcass of Republican Party
by Mick Zano •
Laguna Beach, CA—The republican party became stranded in shallow waters earlier today and was quickly surrounded by sharks and devoured. Witnesses claim the political party became confused and seemed disoriented. One witnesses states, “The GOP was babbling to itself and then blundered into the water, while shouting obscenities directed at a flock of seagulls.” The 80s band Flock of Seagulls, best known for the song I ran, was unavailable for comment.
Republicans Fondly Recount That 24 Hr Period When Trump Didn’t Say Anything Really Stupid
by Mick Zano •
It seemed like only yesterday Trump was on point, because, well, it was only yesterday. The day before this gaffe-free-anomaly he was attacking babies and doubling-down on his criticism of the father of a fallen soldier. Today, back on course, Trump called for the assassination of his political opponent. No wonder he’s so fond of Putin. If they ever got married how would they pull off a reception with both KGB and KKK in attendance? Luckily Putin is staunchly homophobic and probably has his male lovers killed. Hey, but maybe if this doesn’t work out they can still be poison pen pals?
Electoral Map Narrowing For Trump And Getting A Little Obscene
by Mick Zano •
Rubio Says No To Late Term Abortions For Zika: “They Are Our Future Republican Leaders!”
by Mick Zano •
Sanford & Son Win Gold For The 50 Junkyard Dash!
by Mick Zano •
Dear GOP, It’s Just Dissonance Now: Cognitive Dissonance Implies Thought
by Mick Zano •
Let’s downgrade all Republican cognitive thought distortions to simply distortions as cognition has little to do with it. Today’s GOP is so far from the truth even Fox Mulder is like, “Damn, that’s some crazy conspiracy shit.” The closest they ever get to reality is the coveted half-truth. The half-truth is out there? The nonsense espoused at the recent RNC is proof that logic no longer has a place amidst this Angry Mob of Misinformed ‘Muricans. AMMM radio?
Sure the GOP would argue its relevance, but if you are still processing information accurately then how come you’re always wrong? ….or, more accurately, wronger? Vote for the tyrant for freedom! End taxes to pay down the deficit! No safety net for wellbeing! No unions for the worker! Unnecessary wars to victory! No regs for the rapture! With this approach to reality, how are we ever going to pay for Herr Trump’s annexation of Canada? Wait… I think what the GOP is doing might actually be a form of thought, just the opposite. Noruens? How about contra-cognitions? …no? Reverse politistalsis?