Debbie Wasserman-Schultz is “appalled”, but Bernie Sanders is “satisfied” with the decision.
Tag Archive for humor
Creepy Evangelical Snake Oil Salesman GOP’s Last Hope Of Defeating Megalomaniacal Ass-Clown
by Mick Zano •
Ahead Of Convention Trump Has Sandler Beat Last Of #NeverTrump Movement Into Submission
by Mick Zano •
The Daily Discord is denying this is a picture of the failed rebellion in Turkey, badly PhotoShopped.
The GOP’s TrumpUPence? The Dynamic Dookie Heads For Cleveland
by Mick Zano •
I’ve been predicting the demise of the GOP for years, but is it inevitable? How do we shift toward more meaningful discourse? How do we bring the marginalized back into the conversation, you know, before they form the Christian Republican State In the South (CRSIS)? …with CRSIS comes opportunity? These racial divisions are symptoms of a greater illness. The paranoia and neurotic nationalism gripping our planet is the growing pangs of the inevitable shift toward globalization. Fear and bigotry are fueling this Brexitesque romanticism. We have one group struggling to muddle forward and the other scratching and clawing their way back into some cave. How do we embrace the future with nearly half our country is still swinging from the trees and thumping their chest at trespassers? Republicans in the Mist?
In Show Of Force Trump Executes VP Pick On Live Television
by Mick Zano •
New York, NY—During a press conference today, presumptive Republican nominee Donald Trump spent nearly a half an hour rambling on a wide range of topics, ranging from how talented he is to how untalented everyone else is. Finally, Trump got around to announcing his choice for Vice President, “World, I give you the next Vice President of the United States, the Governor of Indiana, Michael Pence! Oh, and Pence, you’re FIRED!” He then proceeded to pull out a Beretta M-9 out of his pocket and assassinated the Governor on live television. Trump explained his actions, “I don’t want what almost happened in Turkey to happen to me in Cleveland or beyond. These #NeverTrump people—and I hate to call them people—but these folks have some bad ideas. They’re bad. I am not taking any shit, so read my lips, No New Feces. I am therefore nominating myself for Vice President of the United States. Who better than me to have my own back? It’s two for the price of one. It’s win-win.”
Botanist Discovers Trump’s Hair A Form Of Aquatic Chia-Pet
by Mick Zano •
Newark, NJ—Botanist Dr. Sterling Hogbein, of the Hogbein Institute & Grill, has announced his discovery today regarding the origins of presumptive GOP nominee Donald Trump’s hair. Dr. Hogbein believes the hair follicles are actually a form of aquatic plant life in the anemone family. Dr. Hogbein explains, “I have strong evidence that Mr. Trump’s hair is in fact a genetically modified Diadumene lineata, or orange-striped sea anemone. Some time ago the body of the anemone was surgically planted beneath Mr. Trump’s skull. He apparently has plenty of tiny holes in his head through which the tentacles could then grow in a similar manner to the loveable Chia-Pet. This is why it looks so natural, except the color, and can be styled like natural hair. Unfortunately, if my hypothesis is correct, I estimate the anemone’s column, or main body, has grown to a point where there’s very little room left for any cerebral matter. This might explain Mr. Trump’s Tweets. Also, with the end of the digestive tract being under Mr. Trump’s scalp, well, it brings new meaning to the word shit for brains.”
Admiral General Aladeen Denies Being Vetted For Trump VP
by Mick Zano •
Wadiya—The Trump campaign is calling the rumor that the Butcher of Wadiya was ever considered a viable running mate, absurd. Whereas Trump admits he recently showered the Admiral General with praise, the Trump Campaign never considered him on the “short list” because he was born in another country, the UN wants him for war crimes, and he’s pro-choice.
Trump Leaves RNC Chair Locked In Hot Car With Windows Rolled Up
by Mick Zano •
New York, NY—Only days before the Republican National Convention, RNC Chair Reince Priebus, was left in one of Donald Trump’s limousines with the windows rolled up for nearly an hour. The incident occurred outside of Trump Tower in Manhattan in 78° plus heat. Mr. Priebus is considered in stable condition at this hour, well, as stable as any republican can be with their current frontrunner being Donald Trump.
And This Is Anton “Checkov” Yelchin’s Other Car
by Mick Zano •
Clinton Begs To Be Indicted Rather Than Face Dozens Of Server Hearings
by Mick Zano •
Dr. Zano here predicted Hillary would not be indicted, but only because 9 out of 10 attorneys and legal experts were saying an indictment was “highly unlikely.” Of course, Fox News has that one guy who thought otherwise on speed dial. By the way, this is a rebuttal to Pokey’s last feature, here. Was justice served? No idea, but I will say this: it was not the best of outcomes. The decision did not pave the way for a Sanders/Warren ticket, but it was damaging enough to make a President Trump all the more likely (gulp). I personally hate the Benghazi/email-server witch hunts, but only because I keep having to come up with different jokes to make the same miserable points. Flashback fav!
“If Benghazi was the real 9/11, then The Rutles started the British Invasion.”