Tag Archive for comedy

The Great White Dope

by  • 

THEGREATWHITEDOPEWhy is everyone getting this Trump thing so wrong? Trump didn’t kill the republican party, Beauty killed the beast. Actually, stupidity killed the beast, but the death of conservatism under the weight of its own ignorance is not surprising. Today’s Grand Old Party is like that donkey Eeyore on an Alabama tilt-a-whirl—a sad state of affairs all around. Mitt Romney just told the New York Times that Trump represents a “stain on the party that would lead it to ruin.” A stain, Mitt? A skidmark the size of Brownsville would be an upgrade for your party. Fruit of the Goons?

READ MORE ->

Share

Not Over? Kasich Determined To Take Final Concession Speech All The Way To The Convention

by  • 

john-kasich

Columbus, OH—The Governor of Ohio, John Kasich, still plans to suspend his campaign, but he promises to deliver a second and final concession speech that “will last all the way until the convention in July.” Senator Kasich told the press today, “This isn’t officially over until I say it is. And my plan is to take a long, long time to say that.”

Critics were quick to condemn the maneuver as a political stunt, but Kasich was quick to respond, “The convention is being held in Ohio and I am from Ohio. I don’t think that’s a coincidence. I could be there, in like, an hour easy. Look, I prayed to Ted Cruz’s God and I am convinced there is some kind of divine intervention convention thingie occurring here #NeverTrump.”

READ MORE ->

Share

The Pursuit of Happiness: You’re Doing It Wrong

by  • 

fireworkdsMLConservatives are quick to quote the Constitution and complain how the left is always out to destroy life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness …well, at least liberals can multitask. Kidding! Republicans have shown an aptitude for starting and losing multiple conflicts simultaneously. Does anyone else find it odd how conservative-types only seem content when they’re gutting our liberties in the name of freedom? Or, how they seem to have just a little ISIS in ’em when dealing with restroom transgender issues? So let’s kick the tires, look under the hood, and find out why our Republican friends keep trying to sell us such a liberty lemon. How about we start with some happiness indexes, because they always depress me.

READ MORE ->

Share

Donald Trump Receives Honorary Degree From Trump University

by  • 

Donald_Trump_UnML

New York, NY—Donald Trump was all smiles today as he held aloft his honorary degree from Trump University. Dean Izzy Credentialed claims, “The honorary version of our six-figure degree is just as valid as the real thing. Sadly.” Upon receiving the honor, Trump stated, “I don’t generally do the humbled thing, but if I did, this would be that time …but, again, I don’t, so NO.” In the same ceremony, Trump was also presented with the Key to Trump Tower, from his maintenance guy, Steve.

READ MORE ->

Share