In related news: Trump changes all GPS and road maps to reflect his understanding of direction.
This Day In Future History: Trump Doubles Number Of Canadian Mounties Patrolling Our Southern Border
by Mick Zano •
Tag Archive for satire
Invasion Update: Alien Civilization Shifts from ‘Wait & See’ Mode to ‘Extermination’ Phase
by Mick Zano •
Rigel IV—Glacdar, head of the Orion Colonies of Galacia, alerted key world leaders today that a Galacian fleet will be reaching Earth in five solar cycles at which time its occupants will be eradicated. The Galacian overlord is citing Brexit and the election of Donald Trump as the impetus for the drastic change in foreign policy. Glacdar told the UN today, “We purchased the Earth from the Florpranglers over seven Earth centuries ago, but it was a risky proposition even then. Florpranglers are reviled across the universe for lumping numerous subprime-planets into questionable real estate packages. We were hoping you Fleepnoids would manage to pull your Pracplox out of your Droikholes, but it’s becoming increasingly obvious we will have to liquidate our assets. We will do this by liquidating your asses. Hah! That one killed them on Clamulus V. No really, 4-billion Clamulans were exterminated in that fashion.”This Day In Future History: Trump To Privatize Government Internment Camps
by Mick Zano •
Sierra Vista, AZ—The Head of Homeland Incarceration, Sherriff Joe Aripio, is pleased to announce the opening of a Delaware-sized prison in the heart of the U.S. Sonaran desert. President Trump told the press today, “This is huge. No, really, it’s a big place. By allowing the free market to work we are shifting the management of the majority of our National Camps to the best internment people. The best. This will help out the tax payer bigly, because I got Mexicans and liberals to build the thing! Not only can we all save some money on this deal, we can keep minorities in a safe place. Not forever. We just don’t know which side people are on anymore, because, let’s face it, I’ve pissed off everybody—even that Russian asshole who got me elected. We just want to keep minorities safe and sound while we figure it all out.” When asked to elaborate on “figuring it all out” Trump said, “Well, whether or not they’re really white enough. Deep down.”
Real News Goes Rogue & The Fake Awakens: Pizzagate Matters!
by Mick Zano •
What’s to come of spoof news in a post-truth world. It seems a tad surreal defending satire as we approach the end of our republic, but why not? This site probably won’t survive what Trump has planned for the internet anyway. 4G Notspot? Neither the folks in charge or the general public can distinguish between spoof, satire, fakeiness or truthiness anymore. In a post-truth world there’s more overlap with these newsy flavors than a Venn diagram with codependency issues. Hell, it took the rightwing years to even figure out that Colbert was making fun of them, so of course they’ll lump all these “fake news sites” into one bucket. Bucket of …hmmm. Uh, Zano, Trump doesn’t even know the difference between Shiite and Sunni, so don’t we have bigger Daesh to drone? Maybe, but this subject is near and dear to my heart and has huge 1st Amendment implications. In fact, I’m betting Ass-Clown Hitler will use this fake news controversy as the impetus to end net neutrality and sell broadband to the highest bidder. That’s called irony.
These Jokers Don’t Believe In Evolution But Do They Believe In Joker Evolution?
by Mick Zano •
Bob Dylan Sends Heartfelt Tweet To Nobel Comittee
by Mick Zano •
Trump Clears Up Time’s Devil Horns Controversy: “The Horns Were Given To Me By Satan”
by Mick Zano •
“Lucifer said I am his best guy. His best. And soon my horns will be so bigly even my hair won’t be able to hide that shit.”
—The Donald
The Heat Miser Gets The Nod To Head EPA
by Mick Zano •
Tweet Tower—In a move that many are calling passive aggressive, Trump has “changed his mind” on who he plans to have head the Environmental Protection Agency. Earlier today the President-elect announced Oklahoma Attorney General Scot Pruitt would be filling this position, but the wave of backlash prompted a series of presidential tweets and ultimately a reversal. In the new Rose Garden Tweet Forum, Mr. Trump just announced that the infamous Heat Miser is “the best marionette for the job.”
Surviving Actors And Entertainers Huddle In Death-Proof Subterranean Bunker For Remainder Of 2016
by Mick Zano •
Hollywood, CA—The last surviving members of the Screen Actors Guild are holed up in a an undisclosed location, where they hope to thwart the actions of the Grim Reaper for the remaining days of 2016. Death, who was recently nominated as the Times Person Of The Year, is reportedly “really trying to clench that shit.” In desperation, the film and entertainment industry is striking back, by burrowing. Liberal actors have worked closely with some Bond and Batman villains to create a safe-space, deep in the earth’s crust.”
