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Tag Archive for humor
The Pantsuit Prophecies: Hillary Hate & Her Scandals Deciphered
by Mick Zano •
How is a Trump Administration still a thing in November 2016? Extinction is fine, I suppose, if you’re into that sort of thing. Why are patriotic people so bent on our destruction? Some of you are saying, “It’s all of the Hillary scandals!” You are correct, you simply neglected to add the word ‘bullshit’ before the word scandals. The Hillary witch hunt is perhaps the greatest affront to reason in the 21st century, and that’s saying something when republican’s comment on stuff everyday. I find myself in the strange position of defending the Great White Pantsuit. A summary of her scandals range from no wrong doing, all the way to very little wrongdoing. Wow. You do know she’s a politician, right? Can we at least agree on that much? There’s no way anyone in history could withstand this kind of decade-after-decade scrutiny, yet she remains strong. Let’s compare her with the best R president in the last fifty years, who illegally funded the Iran Contras and helped create Al-Qaeda. Out of respect, I left out his questionable performance in Bedtime For Bonzo. Hillary would have created Al-Qaeda, but she was too busy creating ISIS.
Ghost Dog Of Historic Brewing: Part 1
by Mr. Sherman •
Sorry, we have to play this bit again as we never actually did release the final episode.
I know, I know …we sacked that guy. Are you really surprised? No, you’re not.
Chicago Plane Deliberately Burst Into Flames To Protest “Rigged Election”
by Mick Zano •
Chicago—Pilots were forced to abort American Airlines flight 383 to Miami just before take off at O’Hare Airport after the plane suddenly burst into flames. The incident was originally deemed a rare type of engine failure, however, upon listening to the infamous black box a more sinister plot emerged. The plane itself discussed, in chilling detail, its plan to self-destruct while on the tarmac. Flight investigator Bob said, “This is unprecedented. Gremlins I can understand, like in that Zone episode. Remember that? Oh, and plenty of cars seem to get possessed all the time, like in that Stephen King novel, but a plane? It makes me wonder if all those Malaysian flights were just protesting poor work conditions, or something.”
This Day In Future History: President Trump Promises Everyone Will Be Admitted Into The Subterranean Bunker “Real Soon”
by Mick Zano •
Some of us understand the difference between a third Obama term and a third world war
…and some of us don’t.
Will Anthony’s Weiner Be Enough To Save The Donald?
by Mick Zano •
Presidential Race In Statistical Dead Heat Among Trump Campaign Staffers
by Mick Zano •
Trump Tower—The Trump campaign is still confident of either a decisive win on November 35th, or at least a golden opportunity to cry foul. Team Trump is now flaunting a recent Donald poll as proof the race is much tighter than it appears. Donald Trump told reporters, “We have proof I’m winning. We conducted our own poll, a very scientific poll, using only the best science. The best. If the election were held today for the people in my office, as long as that bitch Betty wasn’t around, we would have this thing wrapped up.” When asked if such a small sample can really have any relevance to how the nation may vote next month, Trump said, “Sure it can. This office is a slice of Americana. We have Ben over there, who isn’t exactly black but he’s clearly darker than anyone else the room. We have both genders represented, mostly, and even one very, very short dude. The guy is practically a midget and, as you probably already know, we’re killing it with midgets, creepy clowns, and everyone else in the carnival and/or circus industries.”
Finally, A Ticket You Can Get Behind
by Pierce Winslow •
Trump’s A Disgrace, Pokey, Your Party Is A Disgrace & Your Political Prospects Are Winding Down Like A Couch Potato At A Narcolepsy Convention
by Mick Zano •
We do need a counterbalance to liberal excesses, but who’s that going to be exactly? How did you end up on the wrong side of this thing, Pokey? Do you no longer have access to information, or can you no longer process it effectively? Here’s my summary of your last post: you have 1862 and back through history down to a science, so just start embracing post 1862 science. You returned to a time when Roscoe was still chasing you, me, and Dave Pa all around Hazzard County. How are Republican types still laboring with the misapprehension that they have a point about anything? Start there, Pokey, and the world will be your oyster. Granted it will be an oyster with Hep C, but an oyster nevertheless.
Dr. Strained Hugs or How I Learned to Stop Hillarying and Love “The Don”
by Pokey McDooris •
How can I, a limited government constitutionalist, support Donald Trump? Especially when at times he seems akin to an unlimited government Mussolinist? Fair question. Lets first recall my political philosophy and contrast that with the political philosophy of Progressivism. As Zano would say, don’t worry, with jokes! Let’s start with my view that the Constitution is a simple document with a simple message, namely, all individuals are granted certain rights and those individuals set up limited government to protect those rights. Thus the Bill of Rights (for individuals) begins the Constitution, and the 10th Amendment clarifies how powers not specifically granted to the federal government shall fall to the state government, local government, and individuals. There is a beautiful simplicity in this constitutional philosophy. But progressives don’t dig simplicity, do they? Libs are constantly telling us how complicated the issues are, and therefore we simple folk must relinquish our simple rights to the evolved expert elites in order to solve the very complicated issues of our day.