Tag Archive for humor
Trump Flexes Muscles: Takes Down Discord For Four Days With Weaponized Tweet!
by Mick Zano •
Tweet Tower—President-elect Donald Trump, who is no way associated with President-elect Ass-Clown Hitler, has graciously allowed the Discord to continue publication. Mr. Trump did tweet some harsh words about The Discord’s recent handling of his smooth transition into the White House. He told the press earlier today, “Those assholes better step it up after my coronation, or else!“ Apparently, our first amendment rights are now contingent upon delivering fair and balanced fake news. CEO of the Discord, Pierce Winslow, has issued this statement, “Fine. Whatever. Please direct any and all lawsuits or drone strikes toward Zano. I can even provide his whereabouts for no extra charge.”
Trump Must Seperate From His Businesses! Remember The Last Time We Fell For Half-Blind Trust?
by Mick Zano •
Zano Now Considered A Political Dissident: Fear Not! Trump Thinks Dissident Is A Denture Cleanser
by Mick Zano •
First Footprints Suggest Early Humans Were “Drunk As Shit”
by Mick Zano •
Ethiopian Pour-Over—Dr. Sterling Hogbein, of the Hogbein Institute and Lube, has posited a new and controversial theory of human bipedal development. Dr. Hogbein explains, “Early man had either some piss poor balance or a high blood alcohol content. My research supports the latter. Essentially man was forced to walk great distances in the early Pleistocene, because the pubs of the time were so far apart. I believe bipedal locomotion itself can be attributed to the obvious benefits of standing during flip cup, chandelier, and several other early Australofraterneritus drinking games. We also know the precursor to beer pong was played with boulders, which may explain the extinction of the Neanderthals, who archeological evidence suggests preferred Quarters or Mexican.”
This Day In Future History: Trump Doubles Number Of Canadian Mounties Patrolling Our Southern Border
by Mick Zano •
In related news: Trump changes all GPS and road maps to reflect his understanding of direction.
Invasion Update: Alien Civilization Shifts from ‘Wait & See’ Mode to ‘Extermination’ Phase
by Mick Zano •
Rigel IV—Glacdar, head of the Orion Colonies of Galacia, alerted key world leaders today that a Galacian fleet will be reaching Earth in five solar cycles at which time its occupants will be eradicated. The Galacian overlord is citing Brexit and the election of Donald Trump as the impetus for the drastic change in foreign policy. Glacdar told the UN today, “We purchased the Earth from the Florpranglers over seven Earth centuries ago, but it was a risky proposition even then. Florpranglers are reviled across the universe for lumping numerous subprime-planets into questionable real estate packages. We were hoping you Fleepnoids would manage to pull your Pracplox out of your Droikholes, but it’s becoming increasingly obvious we will have to liquidate our assets. We will do this by liquidating your asses. Hah! That one killed them on Clamulus V. No really, 4-billion Clamulans were exterminated in that fashion.”This Day In Future History: Trump To Privatize Government Internment Camps
by Mick Zano •
Sierra Vista, AZ—The Head of Homeland Incarceration, Sherriff Joe Aripio, is pleased to announce the opening of a Delaware-sized prison in the heart of the U.S. Sonaran desert. President Trump told the press today, “This is huge. No, really, it’s a big place. By allowing the free market to work we are shifting the management of the majority of our National Camps to the best internment people. The best. This will help out the tax payer bigly, because I got Mexicans and liberals to build the thing! Not only can we all save some money on this deal, we can keep minorities in a safe place. Not forever. We just don’t know which side people are on anymore, because, let’s face it, I’ve pissed off everybody—even that Russian asshole who got me elected. We just want to keep minorities safe and sound while we figure it all out.” When asked to elaborate on “figuring it all out” Trump said, “Well, whether or not they’re really white enough. Deep down.”
Real News Goes Rogue & The Fake Awakens: Pizzagate Matters!
by Mick Zano •
What’s to come of spoof news in a post-truth world. It seems a tad surreal defending satire as we approach the end of our republic, but why not? This site probably won’t survive what Trump has planned for the internet anyway. 4G Notspot? Neither the folks in charge or the general public can distinguish between spoof, satire, fakeiness or truthiness anymore. In a post-truth world there’s more overlap with these newsy flavors than a Venn diagram with codependency issues. Hell, it took the rightwing years to even figure out that Colbert was making fun of them, so of course they’ll lump all these “fake news sites” into one bucket. Bucket of …hmmm. Uh, Zano, Trump doesn’t even know the difference between Shiite and Sunni, so don’t we have bigger Daesh to drone? Maybe, but this subject is near and dear to my heart and has huge 1st Amendment implications. In fact, I’m betting Ass-Clown Hitler will use this fake news controversy as the impetus to end net neutrality and sell broadband to the highest bidder. That’s called irony.
