Tag Archive for donald trump

For Final Prep Clinton Takes On Mrs. Mackenzie’s Debate Class

LOS ANGELES - MAY 30: Los Angeles Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa and U.S. Senator Hillary Clinton, read to children at the Krieger Center, a preschool on the grounds of The University California Los Angeles, (UCLA) on May 30, 2007 in Los Angeles, California. The mayor announced his support and endorsement for Senator Clinton in her bid for the Democratic nomination for president. (Photo by J. Emilio Flores/Getty Images) *** Local Caption *** Antonio Villaraigosa;Hillary Clinton

Springfield, OHFourth grade teacher at Roosevelt Elementary School, Janice Mackenzie, invited Hillary Clinton to a scheduled class debate. Mrs. Mackenzie told the Discord today, “This is the perfect year. The kids are really obnoxious and seem almost feral. I think it’s the perfect environment to prepare Secretary Clinton for Monday night’s debate. I asked my class to study Donald Trump’s debate-style, or lack thereof, and I even promised extra points for any relevant disparaging remarks regarding Rosie O’Donnell.”

Discord Orders Competency Evaluation After Pence Names Cheney As Role Model

 

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Kidding, I want a competency evaluation for the entire Republican establishment. Kidding, there is no longer a Republican establishment. Kidding, it’s established but need not be. Let me start again: our VP candidate, Mike Pence, is apparently a huge Dick ….Cheney fan. Some of you may remember Cheney as the guy touting a 13% approval rating at the end of his tenor. The man who is still giving Obama foreign policy advice despite a scathing intelligence report released this friggin’ week. Essentially this latest report identifies the invasion of Iraq as the event that ultimately threw a lifeline to jihadism and helped spread terrorism globally. It was the single worst foreign policy decision since Nam, but it will have much longer global ramifications. The world has still not recovered from Cheney’s recklessness and may never. He should not be venerated. In fact, if you still believe in the rule of law he should be hung. Maybe Pence is also hung and, if frequently aroused, this could impact blood flow to the brain. [Dick Brainy joke removed by the editor.]

Republican Romanticism Is All Histrionics Not History

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Romanticism is an oft-neglected aspect of the delusional Republican landscape that I call the TwiRight Zone. Our conservative friends are desperately trying to salvage their legacy. Social media is awash with folks evoking Lincoln for some scant validation. Could you imagine Lincoln on Hannity? “Excuse me, young man, but I am late for a play …I know, son, but unlike you I can choose the lesser of two evils. Now if you’ll excuse me.” See? I have much more in common with Lincoln! We would both rather be shot in the head than sit through Hannity. It gets worse. Republicans can’t seem to acknowledge how our political platforms switched around the time of the Civil War. Do you really think you were the progressive types at the end of the 19th century? Really? Were you the folks creating the underground railroad, or is it more likely you were cutting holes in some sheets? Yeah, I can see the carriage bumper sticker now: KKK is OKKK with Emancipation! So you don’t fall victim to similar blunders in the future, here’s an easy trick: if it’s something that history judged meaningful or good, you voted against it.

 Trump Ahead 12 Points With Lab Chimp Demographic

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The latest Discord poll indicates Donald Trump has jumped to a 12 point lead with lab chimps and other primates. Republicans may not believe in evolution, but Trump plans to ride this wave of primate support all the way to the White House. Zoologist Dian Fossey is disturbed by these numbers, “I lived with a family of gorillas in the mist and I really thought I understood them. Now I feel it was all a lie and maybe we should go with my first idea to just process them for their ivory.” When explained she is likely thinking of elephants and rhinos, she said, “I thought Rinos were Republican In Name Only? Very little ivory in those.”

Trump Unwilling To Back Off Claim That He Is Unwilling To Back Off Claims

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CNN’s Anderson Cooper asked Donald Trump today why he never seems to back down, even after an obvious gaffe. Mr. Cooper pointed out how lately the republican nominee seems to be constantly waffling, pivoting and offending, minus any accountability. Mr. Trump responded, “I don’t think that’s true. It’s not true. I can be accountable when necessary. Most of the time I am simply evolving from a correct position to an even more correct position. The best position. I have walked so much shit back in the last few weeks, Anderson, people are calling me a moonwalking ninja. Or maybe I just Tweeted that.”