In related news: Trump has “the best people” on his Mount Trumpmore Initiative.
Tag Archive for donald trump
America Has Transitioned From Deafcon-2 (Post-truth) to Trumpcon-1 (Post-political)
by Mick Zano •
This isn’t about healing anymore, it’s about collapsing. I’m afraid that’s the only trick left in the republican bag of tricks. Speaking of bags, why not stuff your political party into one, light it on fire, and leave it in on someone’s porch? I would say ‘wake up’, but it’s probably best to stay asleep at this point. Trumptophan? In 2017 why bother having a political opinion at all? Our political fortunes are akin to Sartre and Camus collaborating on a country western song during a Walking Dead episode. So let’s focus on what matters now, hoarding Ramen. If you’ve read some Zano, my political posts are essentially a funny, yet damning indictment of the party that will eventually be our undoing. Despite my 11 followers, the political right has grown into the strong, delusional force that we see today. It’s not histrionics to say we’re history. Them’s the facts. Now that the republicans have a super majority, let’s channel some Zevon as our ride is here. So I propose a toast, to being toast!
This Day In Future History: Casino Chip Offered At Trump Soup Lines
by Mick Zano •
On Day One Trump To Pardon All Of His Campaign Promises
by Mick Zano •
Tweet Tower—President-elect Donald Trump released his reversed agenda today in a series of presidential Tweets. Apparently, he is already reneging on his promise to throw Hillary Clinton in jail, which has angered several of his top aides as well as former President Bill Clinton, who shouted, “Donald! I thought we had a deal, you bastard!” Mr. Trump is also backing down on his immigration policy, marriage equality, and the war on drugs. There is even a rumor Trump plans to keep Obamacare, but just change the name to TrumpNOcare. The President-elect told The Discord today, “I’m going to keep all of the good stuff, like the death panels, enrollment complications, and even those soaring premiums everyone’s been talking about. And you can’t change your mind on something like climate change, because the word change is right in the title.”
Holy Sheet! Broadway Acquiesces To Trump Over Hamilton Controversy
by Mick Zano •
Man To Dedicate Next Four Years To Correcting Pro-Trump Racist Graffiti
by Mick Zano •
Cleveland, OH—Trump supporter, Benjamin Meanie, is angry with the quality of the graffiti turning up on the buildings and vehicles in his city. He vows to roam the streets correcting the spelling, grammar, and even the content of any and all pro-Trump vandalism. “I support all the bigotry and hatred, but I still long for a day when our movement is not associated with ignorance. I will review all of the graffiti in my town and beyond, in the hope of eventually creating a single clear message of HATE. How can we ever get anywhere with: Hung All The Neggers! It implies our work is already done. And what exactly is a Negger anyway? We need to get our message honed and focused to laser sharp precision, before laser-targeting the chests of minorities.”
President Ass-Clown Hitler To Name First Internment Camp Trumpschwitz
by Mick Zano •
Trump’s Chief Strategist Implicated As Man Behind Creepy Clown Phenomenon
by Mick Zano •
Trump Tower—A drunk Stephen Bannon reported for work today, having neglected to take off some of his costume from the previous night. Mr. Bannon’s unpredictable behavior as Trump’s new chief-strategist has sent shockwaves across the internet. Many are implicating Bannon as the force behind the creepy clown phenomenon. President-elect Ass-Clown Hitler told reporters, “Bannon is a creep and he is a clown, but that’s as far as it goes. He’s not, nor has he ever been, a creepy clown at the same time. Let’s get one thing straight, no one I am going to hire is going to be able to multitask. I get a lot of crap about not being inclusive. I like clowns. In fact, I plan to fill the White House with them. This is me being inclusive. There’s plenty of room in the GOP tent for clowns. Just as long as whatever is under all that face paint is white.”
New Compelling Wonder Twins Theory Emerges To Explain Shocking Election Results
by Mick Zano •
Zuul The Gatekeeper Set To Transform Trump Into Gozer The Gozerian On Inaugration Day
by Mick Zano •
Sumer—The ancient Sumerian god, Gozer the Gozerian, is in the news again today after appearing on a rooftop building in the Big Apple. This malevolent deity known by many names, such as The Traveler, The Destructor and Sonny, is set to destroy the planet on January 20th. Zuul the Gatekeeper, and Vince Clortho, the Key Master, arrived ahead of Gozer in the shape of giant hounds. The Gozerian then asked a representative of mankind, in this case a Republican from Queens, how he would like the world to end. The god was reportedly as “surprised as anyone” that a New Yorker chose the form of Donald Trump for this grim task.