Tag Archive for donald trump

Seven Nation Harmy? Seattle Judge Who Halted Trump’s Muslim Ban Mysteriously Assassinated In Drone Strike

by  • 

Seattle, WA—The White House is denying any involvement in the drone strike assassination of a Seattle Federal Judge. The judge in question, and now in pieces, Judge James “Rowdy” Robart, entered an order on Friday forbidding federal agents to enforce Trump’s seven-country immigration ban on the grounds it’s “really fucking stupid.” Less than 24 hours later Judge Rowdy was blasted apart in an incident that was initially reported as a radical meteor, spontaneous judicial combustion, or a fart-lighting incident gone horribly astray.

READ MORE ->

Share

Truck Filled With Alternative Facts Crashes En Route To White House

by  • 

Indianapolis, IN—A semi-truck loaded with alternative facts slid off of Route I-465 earlier today as a result of some slippery political conditions. The truck toppled and the trailer ripped open scattering endless conservative crapola all over the interstate. The incident caused two lane closures and may have triggered several nonsensical executive orders. The shipment of Alt-Facts was set to arrive at the White House on Wednesday. The Trump Administration admitted some of the material was slated for use during an upcoming Trump press conference. Amongst the hodgepodge of circus-like wreckage included tens of thousands of marbles, but Republicans remain adamant that they clearly lost their marbles long ago.

READ MORE ->

Share

Trump Vows To Drone Strike “Jerk” In Back Of Press Conference

by  • 

Tweet Tower—During a press conference earlier today, President Ass-Clown Hitler made it very clear that he would consider an executive order to eliminate a journalist who asked particularly pointed questions. When a second reporter questioned the president’s ability to assassinate an American citizen on American soil without due process, Trump responded, “It’s easy enough to make it a two for Tuesday thing, which is tomorrow, so watch your ass! That being the case, there wouldn’t be enough time to get ‘permission’ from the judge, who I paid off already, by the way. So next softball question.”

 

READ MORE ->

Share

Trump Promises Change And Unity During Plagiarized, Divisive Inauguration Speech

by  • 

Washington, DC—Donald J-dog Trump was sworn in Friday as the 45th president of the United States. During an inauguration speech that many are calling batty, shitty and even batshitty, Trump promised to always put America first. The newly sworn in president minced no words, except maybe the ones that came out of his mouth (cough). President Trump made it very clear, in garbled form, that he intends to place the United States over all other countries, over the planet itself, and even over the wishes of our Galacian warlords (the aliens who actually run our planet from the Orion nebula).

READ MORE ->

Share