Dear Ghetto Shaman,

Do you do soul retrievals? Are you like a full on, balls to the walls shamanic healer, or do you ever break down and use western medicine?

Sandy Duncan

Dear I loved you in The Sound of Music,

Where to begin? I don’t do soul retrievals, but I do do bowl retrievals. You know, when it slips between the cushions of my couch when I’m getting zorked. And, yes, I do a lot of western medicine, unless I think my probation officer is around. But I do adamantly refuse to go to doctors. This is an integral part of my spiritual path and my shamanic tradition, so when something’s wrong with me physically I try to ignore it long enough for denial to set in. For instance, it’s not burning as I pee right now, it’s simply the Mexican food I had last week.

The Ghetto Shaman

P.S. Or maybe I shouldn’t have tried to fuck that tequila bottle.