Los Angeles, CA—Oscar the Grouch of Sesame Street fame flipped open his garbage can and spent nearly 90-minutes blathering on about Jack Klugman’s prestigious and trash-filled career. The shabby green Muppet explained to the grievers how Klugman’s role on The Odd Couple had inspired him to live in abject squalor.

The Grouch then announced, “It was the best of grimes, it was the worst of grimes” before reciting several other quotes, including: wise is he who collects the refuse of others, and Mother died today, or was it Klugman? Then he blew his nose into a something that might have once been a handkerchief and sobbed, “There wouldn’t have been an Oscar the Grouch without an Oscar the Madison.”

Due to the length of his speech, fellow Sesame Streeter, The Count von Count, kept heckling things like, “One, two, three…three bad analogies, mwah, hah, hah!”

Klugman’s wife, Peggy Crosby, left muttering, “I know he’s having problems with Grundgetta, but if he shows up at my place with a frying pan, I’m going to brain him with it!”

The Grouch ended his outrageously long eulogy with a variation of the Most Interesting Man in the World commercials. “When the garbage man comes by, I collect him,” said Oscar. “So when you think about garbage, think Dos Oscars and stay filthy, my friends.”

Scratch and sniff copies of the eulogy are now available for those with strong constitutions.