Tweet Tower—President-elect Donald Trump, who is no way associated with President-elect Ass-Clown Hitler, has graciously allowed the Discord to continue publication. Mr. Trump did tweet some harsh words about The Discord’s recent handling of his smooth transition into the White House. He told the press earlier today, “Those assholes better step it up after my coronation, or else!“ Apparently, our first amendment rights are now contingent upon delivering fair and balanced fake news. CEO of the Discord, Pierce Winslow, has issued this statement, “Fine. Whatever. Please direct any and all lawsuits or drone strikes toward Zano. I can even provide his whereabouts for no extra charge.”

The Pentagon is confirming Mr. Trump can now destroy any virtual space with a weaponized hashtag. Twitter is denying they collaborated with the President-elect on this endeavor and initially released a negative statement about this episode. However, after a recent phone call from Mr. Trump, the social site is now saying they are: “Fine with the whole thing. Really.”

On December 23rd Mr. Trump reports unleashing the following virus-laden tweet that immediately crashed The Discord’s server:

Remember Stuxnet? This one will melt your server and your balls!!! #DailyDiscord.com #MerryXmasMFs!

Upon receipt of the tweet in question, the site lit up like a War on Christmas tree. Pierce Winslow explains, “It’s somehow fitting our server died in 2016, along with everyone else. We even named it Keith Richards to prevent this sort of thing. I have never seen anything work so fast, except maybe the Ghetto Shaman on a Discord intern.”