Trump Tower—The Trump campaign released several images today suggesting Hillary Clinton is increasingly using a body double during many of her public appearances while stomping on the campaign trail. “This is obviously an imposter,” said Trump. “The woman in these images looks much younger. Much younger. I would actually bang that one. It’s not even close. Not even close. This shows that Hillary is low energy. She’s still sick in bed and can’t even find a good makeup person to create a wrinkled old bag like herself. It’s sad. It’s sad.”

Donald Trump maintains he conducted a thorough investigation on the matter. “My team found that this imposter lady is named Kate McKinnon. She’s not Hillary Clinton at all. She just poses as Clinton while Hillary rests comfortably on her death bed …that Obamacare is not going to cover. This is the result of failed liberal policies. She would be climbing a mountain right now under TrumpCare. She needs to submit to a drug test and a DNA test before tonight’s debate. I am not willing to muck it up with one of her clone people. I might bang the clone person, but I won’t debate her. I know pod people exist and she could be a pod person. It’s true. I want to debate the real Hillary Clinton, not some drug-addicted, cowardly pod person.”

The Republican vice presidential nominee, Mike Pence, is denying allegations that Hillary is a pod person. “I don’t think he meant any of the words he Tweeted today. The pod person theory is interesting. I think he was watching a movie. It’s going to be a Fox debate tonight, so it’s important that we get back to the stuff troubling real Americans, like Hillary’s use of a private email server, Benghazi, and the ongoing WikiLeak dumps.”