I’m kidding! The GOP has been a big pile of shit for a long time. It just keeps getting deeper, is all. Searching for the last sane Republican is tough, like finding Bigfoot on Mars tough. I’ve always referred to the last few sane conservatives with an almost cryptozoological fondness. I’m talking about people like David Frum (an old Bush speech writer), Andrew Sullivan (blogger extraordinaire) and the grandpa of the party, George Will. Where are they now, you ask? Well, Frum is still fighting the good fight over at the Beast, but even he admits his party broke from reality long ago, here. Andrew Sullivan nearly went mad trying to reform the GOP and finally stopped Dishing it out all together. And, last week, George Will announced he switched from Republican to unaffiliated. This means he may well struggle now when choosing an appropriate public restroom. Upon Will’s departure Trump immediately Tweetomized him here. I couldn’t give a rat’s ass about The GOP, but there are signs all across the globe the scheiss is about to hit the lufter.
The GOP is a zombie party now lurching around our AM radio bands in desperate need of some grey matter. The Thing Without A Brain? George Will is just the latest casualty of the War on Reason. Even if the U.S. avoids this bullet called Trump the world is shifting nationalistic and conservative. Neoliberalism and conservatism are to blame for the increase in failed states across the globe. Of course, one side will at least acknowledge and attempt to correct. I don’t watch Fox News anymore (doctor’s orders), but simply flipping between channels the other day I heard Bill O’Reilly say:
“The reason Trump is saying these comments is because Obama’s methodical approach to defeating ISIS is simply not working.” (O’Reilly Factor 6/15)
Huh? In all fairness to Bill that’s all I watched, but he made this statement amidst a period wherein ISIS is losing major ground, here and here, and when it can no longer pay its soldiers here. Of course this week, post the Bill Shit, we took out about one percent of their entire army. O’Reilly is employing yet another false equivalency. The Foxeteers were astonished by John Kerry’s latest comments, calling ISIS “desperate.” Fox News said his comments “defy reality.” Republicans are always shocked by the truth. They feel much safer amidst heaps of their own USDA prime-choice Foxal Matter. Trump also wrongly conflated these individual suicidal massacres with the bigger military trends. Last year while Glenn Beck was insisting a Caliphate was inevitable, I maintained ISIS was slowly going bust, here.
“Having taken Tikrit, Ramadi, Hit and Fallujah, the Iraqi government has over the past 2 years decisively rolled back Daesh. It is now virtually besieged in Mosul, which is landlocked and increasingly surrounded. As a governmental entity, I wouldn’t give Daesh more than a year. As a terrorist organization, it can be both long-lived and deadly.”
Here’s two polls that suggest things are winding down for ‘Murica:
- George W. Bush is back on the campaign trail & has returned to a 47% approval rating nationwide.
- Polls indicate that Trump has a 5 point lead over Hillary on who would keep us safe.
Disturbing does not do these polls justice. This is Jeffrey Dahmer GoPro footage fucked-up (JDGPFFU). This is not a Kansas poll, or a poll from people suffering from a traumatic brain injury… these are national polls. Republican stupidity alone cannot account for this. We would have to import large amounts of ignorance from conservatives abroad. Dimported? What’s funny is how conservatives in England can vote for Brexit, and of course Republicans here in the U.S. will immediately champion it. This is all you need to know on the matter. Does the UK have legitimate grievances with the EU? Of course. Would it have been better to work shit out? Probably. Ironically the possible domino effect could tank the global economy, or at least weaken it enough to pave the way for a Trump Administration. It’s funny, if it weren’t so Dahmer GoPro footage fff… (sorry). Conservatives are dangerous in any of their Avatards, whether in Israel, Iran, England, or the U.S. Our Republican friends have shown a singular ability to screw shit up anywhere. Romneypresence?
Hint of the Day: When Republicans are happy about something, invest in gold.
Yes, if Republicans get something through SCOTUS or Congress, watch your your asses and your wallets. You are about to be monetarily and/or constitutionally screwed by the fiscally responsible, freedom people. I know, I know, it doesn’t make any sense, but neither do they. Speaking of which, this week Homeland Security warned that radicalized Republicans pose an equal threat in the U.S. as ISIS, here. I know, you’re all thinking, wow, that’s crazy! No, it was crazy when I predicted this several years ago: Rise of the Radical Republican? Boehner Inaction Figure Sold Separately.
“Despite the recent successes of some moderate Republican candidates, I don’t believe it accurately reflects the larger political trend. The GOP will likely track further right and within a decade we will start hearing the words “radicalized Republicans.” Bozo Haram? I know, I know, it’s like the time I commissioned a bust from that OCD sculptor, I’m getting a head of myself again.”
In the years to come we will see Fox ebb and MSNBC grow, and MSNBC’s impact on the political discourse will grow proportionally. And I’m not saying this is a good thing, mind you, as the ends do not always justify the leans. Barackiavellian? Oh, and you’ll also see some folks from the field of psychology and sociology linking conservatism to a form of political mental illness (somewhere in the delusional family).
These harbingers of dumb are more signs that we are ready to end this 240 year old experiment called ‘Murica. It’s fine with me, because I’ve already thought of some great new names, like Zanoland, Whoville, or Botswana. Wait, I’m being told Botswana is already taken. Damn. I am already planning the Zexit to the Dominican Republic. They have cigars, beer, beaches, babes, and a particularly wonderful bartender in Punta Cana. Not much has changed here in Discordville over the last decade. I will continue to discuss the things that will happen in the future and my Republican friends will continue to misconstrue the present and the past, or: same as it ever was, the beat goes on, and the wrong remains the same.
This isn’t a surprise either. Who do you think built those pyramids?
It certainly wasn’t Republicans. They cut the funding for that shit.
