Heaven—God is back peddling today as a leaked memo to several archangels and the Pope suggest the Christian deity is “cooking the books” on climate change. The memo suggests God is manipulating data by either heating or cooling NOAA weather buoys depending on “my mood”.

In a rare act of nonpartisanship, republicans and democrats alike condemned the supreme beings actions as “messed up”.

“Thou shalt not accuse me of being an environmentalist!” boomed God during a press conference. “You never heard of an ‘act of God?’ It’s not a hoax if I actually make it happen! You want to see a real hoax, you should see what I have planned for Bigfoot next year. That’s been the best game of hide and seek ever…granted, moving Hoffa’s body around all these years is a close second.”