Ft. Worth, TX—To the shock of many, a one-mile long train carrying crude oil from Canada to an oil refinery in Texas arrived safely yesterday. The train made the trip from Alberta Canada to Ft. Worth Texas yesterday “without incident”.

The conductor, Jones Casey, said, “I was as surprised as anyone when we pulled into the station. There are several turns that I always just kind of hold my breath. But, wouldn’t you know it, the shit stayed right on the tracks this time, the whole way.”

Head of the Association of American Railroads, Gomez Adams, said, “We are entering a transformative time for the railroad industry. Hell, when I use to crash trains, unless it was over a bridge or something, it was pretty dull but now I can see the resulting fireball plume from my house.”

BNSF…it’s the new BWTF?