Washington—Our 44^th President is missing and presumed sad at this hour after his approval rating slipped below 40%. Mr. Obama encouraged the secret service to “take the night off and go get some hookers” before he slipped off the White House grounds unattended. Many fear an ego the size of Obama’s will not tolerate such a dip in popularity and that he is likely having an approval breakdown.

“I’m glad he took his teleprompter, but it’s not connected to anything,” said Michelle Obama. “Without a stream of words projected in front of his face he sounds a lot like Sarah Palin on cough syrup, underwater. Although, come to think of it, this may actually help his approval ratings among republicans.”

If Mr. Obama is spotted The White House recommends calling 911. Do not approach the president as he is considered to be toxic to many Democrats running in the midterms and under no circumstances say the words Benghazi or healthcare.gov in his presence.

His closest advisors are all hoping he is just blowing off some steam, like last week when he egged the Chic-fil-A over on Michigan Ave.