Lausanna, Switzerland—After the recent actions of Vladimir Putin, The International Olympic Committee is asking everyone to return their medals as they are nullifying the results of the event. The committee hopes to still be able get in the real Olympics before the spring and they are eyeing Mt. Everest and other spots in the Himalayan Mountains as the altitude will “buy us some more time for set up before spring.”

Vladimir Putin has already issued the statement that Russia will not be returning any of its medals and is threatening to shift his country’s military focus to the Russian Switzerland border.

When reminded that there is no Russia Switzerland border, Putin just smiled (an evil sinister-like smile).