U.S./Mexico Border—Under the incompetent leadership of Barack Hussein Obama, rock attacks on our border agents have only increased. Such attacks are endangering our border patrol agents, but new evidence suggests these Weapons of Metamorphic Destruction are American in origin. The tracking of rocks started under President Clinton, but the Obama Administration and Homeland Security expanded this ill-fated program. Now it is believed many of the rocks that injured our border agents were part of a program known as Blast and Igneous designed to track pointy rocks as they travel back to Mexican drug cartels.

Arizona Senator John McCain said, “These rocks were all accounted for under republican leadership, but under Obama they’re now painting crude numbers on the bottom and then hoping for the best. It’s criminal negligence. These rocks are now scattered all over the border region. Does the government know where all these rocks are? Does Obama know where all these rocks are?” McCain is the ranking member of the Senate Subcommittee on Pointy and Potentially Lethal Projectiles (PPLP).

White House spokesman, Jay Carney, told the press, “Obama has not been sedimentary on this issue, so he doesn’t give a schist about more republican mudstone slinging. So start making gneiss. Get it, gneiss?”