Despite the federal government asking for a moratorium on home foreclosures for the good of the national economy, recent figures paint a grim picture for the middle class. Please read this before you consider foreclosure! Oh, and please consider reading only this article as these guys are a little…well, you know.

341,000 new foreclosures were issued recently. Foreclosure auctions have risen by 35%. That’s one in every 159 homes. Those figures are up 49% from the same month last year, and up a whopping 111% from 2008! That’s worse than the Ghetto Shaman’s bar tab.

In Arizona, where the housing market is one of the worst in the nation, one in every 54 homes are in foreclosure. 49,000 homes were foreclosed on in the first quarter alone, even more if you can’t add. At that rate, almost a quarter of a million families could lose their homes annually. How long can any state absorb that financial loss?

The banks however are profiting from this tragedy. In this buyers market, since the federal bailouts, the majority of their losses have been effectively covered. Now as they foreclose on properties, they have whatever payments were made plus profit from the sale.

Once the foreclosure’s complete, the bank has ruined one person’s credit, while improving the credit and standing of the new buyer. This transfers money and power from the new middle class to the old money, aka our firmly entrenched upper middle class.

There’s little the average person can do to fight back in this situation. In most cases, people just want to protect themselves. That’s not always possible either. Legislators (mostly wealthy lawyers and bankers) have stacked the deck against you.

You can however, legally make every last dime off your property, just as the bank plans to do. You need to act when you know you’re going to lose the property, but BEFORE it goes into actual foreclosure. You should start to literally gut the entire home of everything of value in it. Gut everything, from the copper plumbing pipes, to every bit of electrical wiring. Rip out the flooring and the drywall, but don’t haul it away. Leave that expense to the bank. However, be careful not to flood the property, unless it’s already on fire, in which case the flooding might actually help.

Also, remove every window and door. Sell them, or donate them to a charity like ‘Habitat for Humanity’. You have every right to do this because you haven’t been foreclosed on yet. You still own it. Take everything out of the yard, including plants, hot tubs, swing sets, even dog houses. The idea here is to reduce the property value as much as humanly possible. Even leave some of the other Discord contributors on your couches. This will also hurt the banks.

Before leaving some people have such resentment, they’ve reverted to defecating on the floor and spray painting obscenities on the walls…kind of like last year’s Discord Christmas party. There’s no need to do this. By stripping out the property of all its value, the bank is forced to invest thousands of dollars before they can make a profit. If everyone of the thousands of foreclosed families were to do this, the banks would be forced to stop taking advantage of the American people.

There’s also a much easier, but illegal method. This only works if you have an older home. Strip the rubber off the electrical wires to an old lamp, plug it in, and leave for the weekend. Make sure you visit an out of town relative who’ll provide an alibi. You’ll lose everything you own, but you’ll actually make money. Even if you’re upside down on your home, you’ll at least make money off your lost belongings. Because this is illegal, I can’t and won’t suggest it. The Daily Discord will though, because the’re unscrupulous and one more lawsuit probably won’t bother them.