The disappearing shopper was last seen purchasing a Gucci handbag on Fifth Avenue, before shopping quietly into oblivion. The role-playing video game manufacturers of the same name are protesting any association. A retailer at Gucci remembers the woman, “She had about a dozen bags slung over every appendage. She could barely carry them all. I distinctly remember the smell of burning plastic about her. It was an unpleasant smell that made me a little queasy. I didn’t think anything of it at the time as that happens here a lot.”

When asked if any hope remained for the woman’s safe return, Dr. Hogbein said, “I’m afraid she’s gone platinum. At the point of her last purchase, economic pressures literally crushed her in a process known as Citi-fication. Yes, I just made that up.”

The Discord’s Search Truth Quest team sent field reporter Cokie McGrath into the heart of the phenomenon with a pile of CEO Pierce Winslow’s credit cards. The plan was never authorized so this will be the last day Mick Zano will be working for The Discord. McGrath was last seen leaving Saks Fifth Avenue in a hazy cloud of burning plastic.

Just before she disappeared someone reported hearing McGrath say, “Hi ho, Silver, away!” …which is odd, because she was using a gold card.