These sissy environmentalists are all talk and no action. It’s time to save this planet! The scientific consensus agrees that Climate Change is the greatest crisis threatening the world. President Obama promises to violate the Constitution by bypassing Congress to sign a UN Treaty to curb carbon emissions. I say it’s time to stop pussy footin’ around the subject. Let’s get to the root of the problem by employing ISIS’s five steps to Beat Climate Change.

I believe Obama’s plan to save the world will not be nearly as effective as what ISIS has in store for mankind. Let’s combat our warming world through the magic of Sharia Law!

1) Sex-Slave Auction/Fundraisers

Many may not realize the meaty market for young sex slaves. On a good day healthy young 12-year-olds can attract five digits, maybe even a six! And ISIS promises that 50% of all proceeds will be donated to the funding of green energy powered WMDs.

2) Reduction of Automobile Use by 51%

We hereby pass worldwide legislation that outlaws women from driving automobiles. By eliminating women drivers we will put a serious dent on the world’s carbon footprint. The legislation will further fight climate change by sentencing those found guilty of such an offense to community service in the Sex-Slave Auction/Fundraiser.  That’s not even counting the ones we’ll stone for adultery!

3) Slave Labor to replace carbon based energy

We propose Infidel powered windmills (IPWs) without the need of wind; scientific consensus agrees that infidels, horses and camels can power any Jihad, so Gitteeup!

4) Massive Population Reduction

Much of the global warming problem stems from the fact there’s just too many damn people. Birth control and abortion haven’t worked, so it’s time to get serious. We propose an exponential increase in beheadings. Let’s save the planet, one dismemberment at a time. I want our kids to get a behead.

5) Destroy Western Civilization

Who can deny that Western Civilization is the root cause of all global warming/climate change? Without Western Civilization there would be no such thing as a greenhouse gas problem. The Great Satan has the biggest carbon footprint ever. Talk about a Bigfoot sighting. We have you in our sights! And it’s time to take that hairy bastard down.

Makes perfect sense. You’re either with us or against us. Hey, let’s freeze some of those severed heads and make some ISISicles!