Hyderbad, India—Thousands came out to the eastern coast of India yesterday to protest a coming cyclone that would later claim the lives of many of those same protestors. The powerful storm, Hudhud, plowed across India seemingly oblivious to the negative press and its sinking public opinion polls.
Many are calling this abusive relationship with the weather “a cycle of violence”, or in this case a cyclone of violence. “We lost electricity in my town,” said a local fisherman Richa Gavde. “That would be fine except we only just flippin’ got electricity in my town! What is the weather thinking? We live in mud huts for fuck sake. Oh, brave deity blowing over thousands of thatched roofed huts. Big man on campus. We don’t even have a campus yet, jerk!”
The protestors who gathered on the beach shortly prior to the storm’s arrival all shared the same contempt for meteorological patterns. It is believed they maintained this same contempt as they were swept out to sea by a raging storm surge.
“The weather is always fucking with us,” said Jatin Gupta. “Do you know how many times I have rebuilt my home in the Bangladeshian lowlands? This time I’m holding my ground. Fuck the ocean.”
One holdout from the British Empire, Nigel Chapman, held a sign that read: down with this sort of thing, “I think the ocean needs to stop this senseless aggression against land masses. We did away with this sort of thing in England ages ago. I would go back to mother England but I just added a deck and a sun roof to my mud hut. So I’ll be damned if some weather system is going to march in here and tell me what’s what.”
One of the organizers of the protest, Nitin I’m-fresh-out-of-Indian-surnames Gupta, regrets nothing, “This is only the beginning of our fight against oceanic aggression and the like. I believe the God Head is purposely stirring up powerful storms as part of the politicization of global warming. These sociopathic storms kill indiscriminately and they must be stopped. China is seeding clouds and changing their weather patterns, so I think it’s our turn. And I’m not just talking about ending the reign of cyclones, I want to see an end to their cousin, the monsoon, and their little sister the tropical depression. This is 2014 not the superheated Archaeozoic Epoch is my point.”
Nitin I’m-out-of-Indian-surnames Gupta later told the Discord he would like to add the phrase “for fuck sake” to his early statement. After careful consideration, CEO of the Daily Discord, Pierce Winslow has since declined this request.
