Clearlake, CA— Earlier today a massive wildfire consumed the last water in California. Governor Jerry Brown declared a state of emergency…from Seattle. Witnesses describe Clear Lake as disappearing amidst a fiery inferno of steamy evaporation. This picture was taken right before the fire tornado expanded and swept over the lake, sucking up sharks, wine bars, and countless creatures on Nancy Pelosi’s endangered species list.

The fire turned the lake to steam as firefighters were forced to use Gatorade to douse the spreading flames. Civilian drones and medical marijuana also hindered fire fighting efforts, while onlookers looked on lookingly. I really need another job.

“We can get along without water for a while,” said Clear Lake resident Jeb Turley. “We’ll be just fine until the Circle Ks run out. I think they get their water from Lake Dasani and I haven’t heard of no drought there.  I’m also an almond grower and that lake could have netted me seven more bags of almonds. I guess now when we’re standing around the water cooler at work, we’ll just be standing. I think that’s what hurts the most.”