Rome, IT—Earlier today, his Holiness the Pope called for all Muslim spiritual leaders to condemn terrorism. Republican leaders from all over the heartland voiced their extreme displeasure with the Pope’s radical approach to extremism. They are calling it “un-American” and “ungodlike” and “unnatural.” Many in the GOP feel the Pope is acting a lot more like Barack Obama lately and a lot less like he should be, aka uneducated.

John Q. Republican said, “How do you account for these Biblical discrepancies? I mean these, not the ones in the actual Bible. Is the Pope mixing up his political messages with God or is God weak on terror? There has always been a close link between conservative thought and the smiting-shit parts of The Bible. Was it not Jesus who turned the tables on the money changers? He was the first Galilee Partier. Heh, heh, get it?”

The Pope responded to allegations by pointing out several quotes from the New Testament and several quotes from President Obama’s similar attempts to reach out to the moderate Muslim community leaders.

John Q. Republican was outraged, “I never made it passed the Old Testament, so I’m lost on this hippy juice shit. Honestly, I never even made it through the first part, you know when God said ‘let there be whites’…or something.”

AM radio personality, Rush Limbaugh, added, “The Pope is getting it all wrong. He’s asking for a global condemnation on all terrorist acts, which essentially calls for Muslims to condemn other Muslims. It makes no sense. He needs a global condemnation of Barack Hussein Obama and his policies. I have managed to repeat the dangerous stuff Obama’s doing on this show, over and over again. Isn’t the Pope listening to the stuff I spend hours making up? It’s a sad day when Christianity moves away from hatred. What next, you can’t get into heaven if you’re F-ing rich?”