Gibraltar, Rock of—Since all 265 previous Benghazi hearings found no evidence of wrongdoing, Darrell ISSL (R-CA), previously Darryl ISIS, is shifting focus of the investigation to what he is terming the post-Benghazi phase. The GOP is encouraging everyone to “buckle up” as this round of witch hunts are bound to be as obnoxiously wrong as the rest of the Benghazi hearings—not to mention the pre-Benghazi and the pre-post Benghazi lines of questioning. 

Issa told the Discord’s Cokie McGrath, “Now that we have asked all those questions we knew were untrue and meaningless, in a sense we’ve gotten them completely out of the way. So this shit is about to get real…and by real I mean even more fecal in nature.”

The GOP is cheering the ongoing efforts of Issa on his quest for something relevant to come from the countless hours of investigative regurgitants. Issa said, “We will move this rock called Gibraltar and we find the evidence Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama are hiding from the world. We will leave no stone unturned, uh, including the aforementioned Rock of Gibraltar.”

During a press conference earlier today, President Obama said, “Where there’s smoke there’s not necessarily a burning embassy, but in this case there was a burning embassy. I am about to throttle my teleprompter right now. Anyway, the fire is out. We stomped that shit out long ago. These hearings were a ruse. I allowed them to occur for one purpose, so I could focus my own efforts on burning down our borders, passing secret gun legislation, and installing death panels across our great nation. I could not have done this without the efforts of Darrell Issa and the rest of the not-ready-for-prime-time politicians known as republicans.”

The Daily Discord stands by the use of the word regurgitants in this context. “We’ve used a similar word before, and it just kind of came up out of my throat again,” said Mick Zano.