Nepal—A 98-year-old Nepalese man, Siddhartha Horowitz, is relieved to be back in his home today after spending the last 81 years pinned under a collapsed building in Nepal.  Siddhartha’s home was reduced to rubble by an 8.0 magnitude earthquake that struck the region in 1934, but he was rescued during the earthquake that struck the same region just last week.

Siddhartha was glad to see his home completely rebuilt, in a different place, by people he doesn’t know. He soon learned, however, his wife started seeing other earthquake victims ages ago and is believed to have run off to join the Nepalese circus. Sid was relieved to finally be out of the 4 by 7 space he’d been trapped in for the last eight decades and was eager to catch up on the latest antics of the Kardashians.

After his rescue, Sid said, “I thought after 81 years they’d have given up on me, so I was surprised to hear rescuers talking about this as if it were still a rescue effort.” When asked how he occupied his time for the last 81 years, the man replied, “The first forty-five years were the toughest, after that you really stop giving a crap. Speaking of crap, I’m just thankful there was a shaft in there to take care of business. Although, it does make me sad about the guy trapped in the chamber below me. I don’t think he made it long after all-you-can-eat-taco night.”