Donald Trump’s legal peril continues to mount today as the former president stands accused of aiding and BigMac’ing the enemy, as well as other violations of the McHatch Act. A truck containing 400 Happy Meals was intercepted 3-miles from the Russian border in Kazakhstan and, according to officials, Donald Trump’s fingerprints are “literally everywhere.” After the closing of all 850 of their restaurants in Russia, the McDonald’s franchise told the press today, “We refuse to comment on any fast-food clown other than our own mascot.” Kazakhstani despot, Admiral General Aladeen, said, “We suspected The Donald for three reasons: one, someone poached all the Happy Meal toys. Who else would do that? Two, half of the French fries were eaten, beyond what any Grubhub driver would do here in beautiful Kazakhstan. And three, each bag contained a note saying, ‘I Iove you, Vlad. Don’t release the pee pee tape, buddy. P.S. We still have Helsinki!'”

During a fiery segment on Fox News, Sean Hannity said, “We have documents proving this burger stunt is just more orchestrated collusion between the Clinton Foundation and our intelligence community. There’s clear evidence recovered from Hunter Biden’s laptop that they worked together to frame our Dear Leader in an effort to embarrass two great men. Doesn’t Donald Trump deserve a break today, from surveillance?”

True to form, the intelligence community is denying the existence of what rightwing news outlets are now calling: Operation Egg McPutin.