Tweet Tower—The Head of the Department of Housing and Urban Development, Head HUDder Ben Carson told reporters today, “HUD vows to protect the president’s home and avoid any premature executiviction. No one wants to see the president homeless.  We’re calling this initiative our POTUS Eviction Prevention Program. It’s not just the president, his entire extended family uses this place like a cheap motel. Could you imagine if Eric and Don Jr. were left to their own devices? They’re simply not ready. The entire Trump clan must remain on that property, perhaps indefinitely. So we at HUD are doing our part by extending our moratorium on all real estate removals from the White House until 2028. We’re already colluding with Russia on this one as part of Operation Stay Putin.”

Senator Lindsey Graham (R-SC) said, “Trump needs to stay putin. This president compared fighting this virus to a war, so think of it as moving POTUS to a permanent disclosed location during war times. We can upgrade to undisclosed if need be, or just throw a coat of camo paint over old 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. That would look cool.”

President Trump said, “I made a lot of upgrades to the White House. It was a dump when I got here. The real estate value will be much higher with the very open floor plan and no thorny flowers outside. I can’t just give this away to some Democrat after all these renovations? Sure it’s harder to find the red, green and blue room because they’re all one gold room, but where else was I going to put all the blackjack tables? Haven’t you ever heard of squatter’s rights? It’s only one term now in the District of Columbia, or it will be after my next executive order.”

President Trump is already denying allegations he plans to knock the structure down to make way for another Trump Tower. “That’s ridiculous. This is designated a historic site, so I wouldn’t try that shit …at least well into my third term.”