Upper Narnia–Amidst these crushing COVID restrictions, young Carry Schuster is getting really sick of playing in her room, yet she has clear reservations about slipping through the portal located near the back of her wardrobe closet. The six-year-old is uncomfortable with the unwelcome visits from one, Mr. Numbnuts. She describes the visitor as part lark and part banter, or what the ancient Greeks referred to as a Satire. If her Governor’s shelter-in-place order continues much longer, the shadowy world of ravenous mammalic-hybrids sounds like a much better bet. Since Carry lives in a southern state, she can either limit her social activities to Sunday mass or risk becoming CarryKibble in parts unknown. After listening to the last few emergency White House briefings, she is currently packing her things and would now like everyone to refer to her as, Chew Toy.

The Discord had a chance to ask Carry about her decision to leave this dimensional plane of existence, and she said, “I’m only six, but my president functions as a grade or two lower. During our collective grounding, my parents still want to go to church. I think they’re smoking crack. Fine, I.Hope.They’re.Smoking.Crack. So this is my own rapture, of sorts. The choice between being sneezed on by a rightwinger or coughed up as an Aslandic hairball is obvious …so let’s play, kitty!”

*I’m not sure why I added ‘ic’ to the end of so many words for this bit, but it could be important information for the CDC …if Ass-clown Hitler hadn’t disbanded it, of course. Reminds me of a song: Oh Canada our home and native land! Yeah, they won’t let anyone in at this point. I missed my chance for healthcare and some multi-year income support. But, Trump’s right about one thing, good walls do make good neighbors. In related news: