Dear Ghetto Shaman,

I read your book Happy Hour Healer: A Shaman’s Ale and I must admit to some confusion.  I normally like stream of consciousness stuff, but what is Midget Reiki, who exactly are the Jersey Chuds, and why do you spend weeks at a time in a bar room toilet trying to contact the Malt Liquor Gods?

Sincerely,

Michael Raney

Hagerstown, MD

Dear Michael,

Indeed, I call that style Manic-Binge writing.

First off, Midget Reiki is only for the adept.  A better place to start would be at one of my Yoga Parties. Yo-ga!  Yo-ga!

The Jersey Chuds are minions of the Chaos Pigeons; those feathery adversaries to all that is sacred.   Mick Zano and Dr. Sterling Hogbein have written extensively about them. I would recommend their works, but, as a rule I only plug my own books.

As for your third question: a Shaman’s job is to become in-tune with energies constantly percolating on the energetic plane and then alter those energies prior to their manifestation back here on the earthly plane.  I drink malt liquor products and frequent the men’s room in hopes of one day harnessing the energy of the sacred beer fart (See Fartori Experience). I believe these energies will one day power the unfolding Universe itself.  Pokey McDooris is single-colonly pushing this particular boundary.  What he can do with a burrito and forty ounces of Big Jug Xtra Malt Liquor is legendary.

Hope this helps.

The Ghetto Shaman