Thankfully, there will always be people around like Mikko and his ilk, whose buttons are so much fun to press. Today I have an announcement: I have discovered the Holy Grail of political provoking, a way to instantly turn any leftist Jekyll into an unbalanced Mr. Hyde. Think of it as kind of a libertard Easy Button. I was watching a rather animated interview between a beautiful blond conservative columnist filling in for the Bill-O on the Fox News Channel (the only channel left with any viewers), and an official Democratic spokesperson of some kind. At first, the discourse went very well with each side expressing their views and viewpoints civilly and with proper etiquette all around; agreeing to disagree, as it were. It was then that the rent-a-Billy said the magic words: Sarah Palin. You could almost see the flop-sweat on his brow. His demeanor changed radically. After a flash of fangs and flared nostrils, he told the world that he hoped that the next time he hears from the Palin Monster, she’d be on MTV after she marries and has sex with Flava Flav.
The rent-a-Billy was momentarily stunned by the outburst and proceeded to tell the guest that she was amazed at how much hatred Palin still provoked. He replied that he didn’t fear her, he just, well, hates her. She stated, the only reason that the guest would so quickly have lowered himself and the conversation to start down the personal attack gutter was that Palin still scared the shit out of him, for reasons real or imagined.
As a woman, she was insulted by his comments, and added, “While it would probably get some yucks in the MSNBC men’s restroom, it was entirely uncalled for in the present situation.”
At that precise moment, it all came into focus. Everything sparkled in crystal clear clarity for me. I swear I heard a choir, trumpets, and those cherubs with those little golden harps. And just as the clouds parted, a bright shaft of sunlight split the murk.
Then I heard Mel Brooks, in long flowing robes, say, “I give you these fifteen, (oi, as one tablet drops)…Ten, Ten Commandments for all to obey.”
It mattered not that Sarah Palin was entirely un-electable, no longer in any sort of position of power, and no longer even held a political office. It doesn’t really matter, because all the really good looking girls are going to go out with the Mohawks anyway (what movie?). It just doesn’t matter!
The Three Stooges adversary had his “Niagara Falls” moment: s l o w l y I turn-step-by-step, inch-by-inch, and Lou Costello had that unhinged client with that fateful trigger “Susquehanna Hat Company!”, and of course, in “Young Frankenstein”, the horses outside the door of Castle Frankenstein had Frau Blücher!
You see, it wasn’t known to us non-German folk, but Blücher means glue, but those horses knew.
We can now safely add a new chapter to television-land triggers: the libertards of 2009 have their very own bouncing baby Blücher, the word Palin.
What fun! Oh, rapture. Now that I know this, it’s like when Igor (pronounced EYE-gore) kept opening the door and saying “Blücher!” just to hear the horse’s whinny. I just have to get a quiet bunch of civil, intelligent liberals together, and all I have to say is “Palin”, and I can hear them whinny for miles. Just sit back, crack open a cold one, and watch them all foam at the mouth, then go all personal, sweaty, and uncomfortable. Their pulses will quicken and their blood pressure will rise into the stratosphere!
“Palin!”
NEhehehe.
Oh, what a wonderful world.
What power we now wield.
Frodo can have his friggin Ring.
Palin! NEhehehe. What a glorious weapon. Palin! NEhehehe.
NEEeHeheehehheheeh.
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The Crank
