Dear Ghetto Shaman,

I am a Shaman.  During an exotic soul retrieval last Saturday night, I journeyed to the Lowerworld and mistakenly tapped into some very dark spirits.  Mistakes were made and, as a result, I may need to enlist the help of a fellow Shaman to return to the Lowerworld and retrieve what I have now lost.

Nagual Miguel

State College, PA

Dear Nagual,

If I understand you correctly, you were looking for some Thai Hookers in the Rathskeller this weekend.  Instead, you found some stout beer on draft that went down a little too well, if you follow.  So you ended up getting into a fight, you got barred, and/or the bar staff still has your credit card.  Been there, done that… 

I believe I can help.  And by help I mean, beat you to the bar, steal your identity, and buy me a bitching jet ski.  Just send me your birthday and SS# and I will get right on this. 

Hope this helps.

The Ghetto Shaman