Springfield, (classified)—A Springfield man is in custody after the discovery that Al-Qaeda operatives have infiltrated several U.S. nuclear power plants.  Springfield’s Mayor, Joe Quimby, wants answers—and not the “Yes” ones that he usually requires of his staff.  Since the plant’s debut in 1989, Mr. Simpson has been involved in several near melt downs while manning the facility’s T-437 Safety Console.  Shockingly, none have resulted in his dismissal.  The owner of the Springfield plant, C. Montgomery Burns, is adamantly denying Simpson’s ties to terrorism.

“If this walking garbage-disposal of a man is Al-Qaeda then I’m Sandra Bullock.”

Neighbors describe Simpson as, “Oakily Doakily.”  However, Homer Simpson is well known to the local police department.

Chief Clancy Wiggum had this to say, “Simpson’s a menace.  I deal with him and his family almost weekly, usually Sundays 8:00-8:30PM on Fox.”

Thus far Simpson’s request to be “Yoo-Hoo boarded” has been denied.  Bush Attorney John Yoo defends the practice of Yoo-Hoo boarding on purely phonetical grounds.

“Besides, how could something so creamy and chocolaty be torture?” said Yoo.

“Mmmm, chocolaty,” said Simpson.