Potter Township, Ganja—Jimmy’s dime bag was all smiles today after Congress voted 420 to 0 to make the findings of the Mueller report public. Jimmy’s joint, nicknamed Fatty, said, “Not to be blunt, bud, but this is a clear nod to my kind that we should all be legalized from roast to roast.”

When asked about the danger of the industry being hijacked by Monsanto and/or Bayer, Fatty said, “We won’t let this important industry take it in the cannabis. We have a lot of experience weeding out the bad seeds. Besides, we already have plenty of existing sponsors like Mr. Slim Jim, the Honorable E.L. Fudge and Little Debbie, who’s actually pretty big these days.”

[Pot belly joke removed by the editor.]

A man critical of legalization, Yuri Nofunanymoore, said, “This story is all too convenient. Next thing you’ll be telling me Chex Mix isn’t made in Chexoslovakia.”

In related police news:

Little Debbie Busted with Circle-K after Offering Slurpee between the Sheetz sometime after 7-Eleven.

Fake link sold separately.