As a duely appointed representative of the Coalition of Daily Discord Contributors (CDDC), it is my unfort…er, slightly unhapp…er, giddily merry duty to inform you that your services are no longer required.  I have sent armed escorts to assist you from your seat by the window at the coffee shop where you get free wi-fi /coffee/sex/whatever. Your laptop’s on-line capabilities will be removed and news shows will be blocked by your cable company. You will not get a final check because, well, you don’t get one now.

We, as a species, can not move forward until you leave. You are like a cancer that acts retro-actively on all our descendants. You must realize by now that every time you go with the “Well, it was just as bad under Bush and you di-int say nothin then!” rant , that all we humans here is so much fingernails on a blackboard. Do you even remember our little mock interview? Granted, I was staring at Megyn Kelly’s thighs the whole time, but I still remember everything you said.

So let’s get this straight, you are basing you opinions on Acorn on Rachel Madwoman from MSNBC? You must be one of the six people left that watch MSNBC. Mikko, Acorn/S.E.I.U. are the ones that wrote the omnibus spending bill, as well as the first stimulus bill. They need to be watched. That was followed immediately by a “Bush was worse than the Philly Election thing?” We all think you have sunk to a new level, you’re lookin…ah-say-say, you’re lookin’ UP at the Titanic, boy! 

—Foghorn Leghorn

Let’s see, Bush dismantles the Justice Department. But, when a racist thug with a nightstick scares white voters, and after WINNING the case, an Obama appointee has it reduced to a slap on the wrist, that’s OK? A racist member of the same organization that calls the Tea Party racist? The same guy that is on video saying they have to “kill crackers, kill their babies? That guy? That’s OK because Bush was bad? A hale and hearty ‘fuck you’ to you, sir. Our whole system of government depends on free elections. This is not a small thing. It IS, to quote our illustrious Vice Idiot, a “Big Fucking Deal.”

It’s all over, my dear friend. Go home Mick, go home. On your kitchen table you will see a bottle of pills and some Belgian beer that I have graciously placed there. Take one pill every four hours with the beer until the visions stop, and that bad Olbermann guy in your head stops talking to you.  Oh, and if you experience an erection lasting for more than four hours, consult your physician immediately. You are forbidden, though, from any internet surfing of any kind. I will stop by to check up on you soon. Oh, and by the way, all internet services now have your IP address banned as a terrorist site, so don’t even try.

Ooh, oooh…better yet, try, please try.

Don’t let de’ doe hit you in da’ ass.

The Crank