Tweet Tower—President Trump has Martha Stewart slated to become the next Secretary of the Interior. The president signed an executive order today ending the nomination process, so Stewart may begin her new duties immediately. Choosing a candidate and confirming them can now be accomplished with one tweet as long as the president adheres to established Twitter character guidelines #ConfirmationTweeting. President Trump told the press today, “It’s going to be easier this way, for me. But Martha’s the best person for the job. She’ll make the interior all color-coordinated and maybe provide the country with some matching throw pillows. I can’t wait to see what she does with the place. She also comes with her own lawyers and her own rap sheet, so she’s way ahead of most of my other peeps. We call that “Trump ready.” Hey, we said on the application, knowledge of the legal system a plus.”

Critics of the president’s choice believe she is “grossly unqualified even by Trump’s standards” and many question whether she could start “immediately”, because the government shutdown has frozen all funding to her department until further notice. Speaker of the House Paul Ryan added, “She could do a Milton, I suppose. You know, work in the basement with the stapler kind of thing, but how long is that going to last? We know she likes her money.”

Vice President Pence is also pleased with the choice, “This is great way to close our really piss-poor gender gap a tad. You know, while still keeping them in the kitchen, so-to-speak.”