Tweet Tower—Did anyone else get that Presidential Alert on your cellphone? I’ve gotten Amber Alerts when kids go missing, and Silver Alerts when the chronologically-challenged wander into the woods, but what the hell is an Orange Alert? Can we block our president from texting me? I blocked FEMA and Homeland Insecurity, but WTF? The actual message from our president was even more disturbing: This is just a text, had this been an actual social media emergency you would have been instructed to ‘like’ or ‘retweet’ the president’s latest psycobabble on twitter #RetweetEmergency. I’m actually not kidding about the Presidential Alert part, so what is this administration preparing for? Oh right, they don’t prepare for stuff. My bad.This was the actual text to my phone on around October 4th, or thereabouts:

Fine, I doctored the original, aka a spell check, an exclamation point purge (EPP), and a Flesch-Kincaid spell check. But what’s going to happen when action is actually needed? …who’s going to run that spell check? Will this devolve into a presidential rally alert? Trump rally in Heritage Square tonight #TikiTorchesHalfPrice? And what would an actual Orange Alert on November 5th say? If you despise our president, all voting has been moved to Wednesday November 7th, or Trump Day.

What it should say, if they were capable of honesty is: tomorrow please vote with your amygdala, not your frontal lobes. Kidding, the target audience would need something more understandable …you know, like hatred.