Oslo, NO—The Nobel Committee’s announcement of two joint winners in physics this year triggered a huge explosion in Oslo today. The  ‘winners’, a man from the U.S. and a woman from Canada, are still missing at this hour and presumed quantumly entangled. The explosion frightened many across a huge swath of the region. Along with some seismic aftershocks the event caused Maxwell’s Demon to shave Schrodinger’s Cat with Ockham’s Razor. “We really had our Bell Theorem rung today,” said Nobel Committee head Lars Slartibartfast. “We never should have thrown a woman into the mix; that’s always a volatile situation. Yeah, we blew some shit up. Live and learn. Next prize goes to a couple of immunologists, so I would take a step out of sneeze droplet-particle range if I were you.”Yeah, I got nothing today. Does anyone have work for a freelance satirist? Will blog for coffee.

Gunter Zooloff was unavailable for comment.

*Retraction: I think there was a French guy who won today too.