Dear Ghetto Shaman,

Is there any way to contact you other than this contact button? I have a question of a personal nature.  Oh, and do shamans celebrate Christmas?

Jamie D.

Gilbert, AZ

Dear Jamie,

Sure, I just set up a Shamanic Hot Line at 1-800-SafeAuto for just that purpose.  I originally tried 1-800-Shamanic (leave off the last C for Cave) but I’m still working on that one.  I am available 24/7 to answer all of your questions on the first line, and it will really be me, even though I may try to sell you car insurance.  We enlightened folk have to make a living as well, you know.

The Ghetto Shaman  

P.S.  Of course Shamans celebrate Christmas, Jamie.  In fact, it’s up to the Grinch’s lair tonight to pound some egg nog, smoke some mistletoe, and embark on another double-vision quest. Why do you think Moses talked to snakes in the desert? The lush.