Washington, DC—Soon after a professor from Auburn University, Allen Gribben, set to the task of removing all 200 instances of the word “nigger” [Winslow: yeah, I printed it] from the Mark Twain classic Huckleberry Finn, something very strange occurred.  A week later all 200 of the stricken “N” words appeared inexplicably dispersed amidst Hillary Rodham Clinton’s 2006 classic, It Take a Village.

“It’s amazing that anyone discovered the culturally insensitive words so quickly as who would be reading that shit?” said an undisclosed White House spokesperson.

Every copy in existence seems effected, which the gifted physicist Dr. Stephen Hawking describes as “odd.” 

These two disturbing occurrences occur in the section on gun control:

The Brady Bill, which my husband signed into law in 1995, imposes a five-day waiting period for gun purchases, time enough for authorities to check out a (“N”-word)’s record.

After many years of working with and listening to American adolescents, I don’t believe they are ready for (“N”-word)s or their potential consequences.

Hillary Clinton reports being “mortified” by the discovery and has already set to the task of crossing out every “N”-word in her book in any and all copies, “…before Michelle finds out.”  Of course, Mrs. Clinton is not doing this personally—she reports having “people for that.”

Neither Simon nor Schuster were available for comment.